So you have probably heard that phrase. I need Africa....
I need the reality and perspective change it brings..... The wake-up call to what is true and essential. You must read this story, that a precious daughter told her momma, regarding her life in Ethiopia....before she came to America....
..."told me about how in Ethiopia she didn’t have any shoes ... She said her and Elizabeth’s feet got burned and were bleeding because the ground was hot and things got poked in them that had to be picked out (maybe glass) because they were walking, walking, walking and had no shoes. ..."
I let the day slip by on the calendar, but not in my heart. On St. Patty's Day, March 17th, Mame had been in Hope's Place, the orphanage for one year!
A year older. A year without some things, but probably not things she missed, but things she has never known.
But it was also a year full of things. A year full of food, and safety, a warm bed, clothes, friends to play with, school, a roof over her head and a future...although unknown to her.
A year of a family far away from her, praying for her, working to get paperwork done, to secure a future for her. She may have not known...but God knew. A year of Hope.
And as we wait for news...each week thinking, it could be this week I hear something, maybe even tomorrow.... we walk forward into this second year, still full of hope.
"I know the plans I have for you, Mame, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans for a hope and a future." Jer 29:11
Who knows when I may hear some news? And will it be the long awaited good news?
I plan to take the summer off with Olivia Mame. I have 5 weeks vacation saved up and can take 6 weeks of Family Leave. Although one of those 6 is not paid, and the other five are paid at 55% of your pay..... SO I have to save up as much money as I can between now and then...which is SOOOO HARD for me to do! Please pray for me, that I can do this. With Christ all things are possible, including me saving money!
I have so much family bonding time planned for me and the kids this summer and do not want the stress of money to pay the bills hanging over my head.
I wonder what I will hear this week, and when?
ps. I can't sleep. I wonder if that is a sign? I tried to go to sleep. Tossed and turned. So I turned on the light and did a days devotional in The Beloved Disciple (Beth Moore). It was good, about God having a unique plan for each of us that only lovc can motivate us to walk. Then I read Psalm 14 and 15. Light back off. Prayed for my parents, each of my kids, my brother and his family, the folks at church who are out of work and looking for a job. Still no sleep. Light back on, checked email, checked a few blogs....and here I am, still not sleeping...
On this journey to daughters, one at home and one I am still waiting for, and this may sound dumb, I have only recently come to realize it is not about my desire for family, for a daughter, or second daughter. It is not about me being a momma, their momma. Although both of those are there.... It is about a little girl needing the rest of her life. She had a momma, one she probably loved and will miss her whole life long. Even if she grows to not remember her, the thought of the fact that she had a birth momma will be something she could always grieve.
I am not here to replace that. No ME momma possessiveness over her heart. Sounds silly. Selfish, but with my other daughter, I struggled with that at first. God has grown in my heart and emotions.
I see now, it is about her life. About love and nuturing and being a second momma to love her her whole life long. I pray her first momma knew Jesus. I want to dance at the day in heaven I would be able to hold her hand and smile over her daughter, who become my daughter, too.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27
As I said before, on Feb 26 our files in Ethiopia were lost at the Ministry of Women's Affairs, along with two or three other families. After not finding them, today the court judge in Ethiopia has asked "MOWA to issue an immediate recommendation on your case."
I am not quite sure what that means, but what I think it means is that they are asking them to work with copies and have MOWA make their decision on our case. That request will be taken to MOWA on Thursday.
They will then take ??? amount of time to determine their recommendation. That will then go back to the judge who will then either move forward and pass us in court, or ???
So I still have no feel for when...but I do know what is happening. It could mean that I could here something as soon as Friday, but I am thinking more like next week.
Regardless, what I do know, is that God is on His throne, already knows and I will find out when the time is right. :)
So....this long and winding road maybe ending up in a field of daisies pretty soon. He knows!
I hate the fact that I feel guilty even asking for news or communication.
Whats up, when...
I sit and assume, if there was news someone would tell me....
so what in the world good does asking do?
or whining.... complaining.....
my current memory verse is:
Do everything without complaining or arguing...... (Complaining leads to arguing, I think.)
so does that apply to doing nothing too? Do nothing without complaining too.
Ok, whine session over. In a weak moment I guiltily sent that email asking for news.....
sigh....
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PS. Update: I should change this title from "ugh" to "oh".
So I did get a reply from my guilty inquiry. :) No big answer but more news:
"They didn't find them, MOWA asked us to give them a day or 2 before going to the head honcho of MOWA, .... This was today, Rahel and our other staff, including Shimeliss are all taking turns camping out at the MOWA offices to put some pressure on them. Shimeliss will let me know first thing in the morning what they say tomorrow."
So a baby step forward....something is happening.
I appreciate any prayers. I know I should be patient. I know I am not traveling right after I pass, not in the four weeks...which is a whole other post. So I should just be patient.
Let's widen the scope a bit. Reading the blogs of some other families adopting from Ethiopia, I came across this video from Courtney's blog: http://ericksonpartyofsix.blogspot.com/
It is just what the title claims: A glimmer of hope. http://www.aglimmerofhope.org/ It got me thinking about projects....and giving back to the countries that gave me my children. Perhaps something that my family can do to give back to China, to Ethiopia, to America. I want to pray about it and think about it...what would God have us do, to make a difference. One thing that Courtney said, that I love is:
So every day, including last Thursday, each morning, I go look at my email to see if I have that "magical" message from Hope Adoptions that gives me ANY NEWS.
I know, in the back of my mind, I think the news could even be, you passed court today.... more like, news that this is what is happening, and here is your next date.
It is so unnerving to not only not know anything, but to not have any clue when I could know something. Will I know anything one day this week, or will it be 10 weeks from now before I know anything? That is wearisome.
I can tell my heart is withdrawing. Not from Mame, but from the anticipation and the excitement of the wait. You can only have so many cliffhangers before you are no longer on the edge of your seat, biting your nails to find out what is next. That heightened tension is wearing.
It kind of makes me sad. For both my sons, coming to my family biologically, I kind of knew within a month, when the excitement would happen. With Mary and China, I had a date and knew that is when I would go and bring her home.
With Mame, I have had three dates, each two months apart, each failed and now, I know nothing. I know this too will pass.
Recognize that picture? From the Master and Commander: Far Side of the World. {I love that movie}.
Well the true Master and Commander is telling me to Hold Fast.
I weakened and whined for a few minutes this am, but am holding fast. I did not pass court today....BUT my case is still open....
So I could pass in the next few days.... My file was lost at MOWA, and they are trying to find it. They can use a copy, if the judge agrees, if it cannot be found. So rather than putting our case at the back of the line with a court date in late May, we are being held open, with a couple other families....
{The Roar roller coaster banks around a turn in Six Flags Marine Park in Vallejo, California.}
Some good news today, the two of the other families that failed court last time, when Mame failed, passed today! Yea! Tammie and Grace both got good news on being new momma's today.
Sad news, another dear family, failed court for the third time. ....gulp....so sad.
Others have been waiting weeks and weeks just to hear when their court date IS, once they file for a date. What use to be 10 days to hear, is closer to 10 weeks, with court dates 10 weeks or so after that.
Which pretty much means, you cannot count on or plan for anything...
SO I have no clue or feeling if we will pass court a week from today. And if we don't I have no clue if my next date will be two months from now, or four months from now.
In other words....:) I know nothing. And, I have still let it go. I think it is hard for folks not close to the adoption process, when they ask me, how is it going, when is Mame's court date, when will you bring her home...and I share a bit, third court date, or who knows, if this, then when, but if that, then another time. They look at me with this glazed, confused look in their eyes...like how can this be.
It just is.
So, God knows just when. I truly feel it is not a matter of "if", it is just a matter of "when". And God is the king of When. His timing is perfect, whether we see the reason for it or not.
So...7 days from today, I will know something....which will either be rejoicing, or waiting some more knowing nothing.
MY God is good, and no plan of His can be thwarted. I pray for His will in all, His timing and His sovereignty.
Today I am concerned about Mame's best friend Wubitu and her little brother, Henery. Their court date was today, Ethiopia is 9 hours ahead, and I have heard no news from their momma-to-be. Often I interpret silence as something is wrong, since that is the way I operate.
If it is, I know how hard it is to not pass court after waiting sooooooo long and having so much anticipation. I cried each time. The second time even more. I was SO sure, it would happen. Yet, each time the delay has worked out to be best. Our God is sovereign and wise, orchestrating things we do not even know or understand.
It is hard to wait.
Please pray for Wubitu and Henery, who have no clue of today's signifigance, and for Kim and her husband...whether good news or sad.
I cannot wait, until the day that Mame, Wubitu, Henery, K and D are ALLLL home and we get to see a joyous reunion in Disneyland! It will happen, with camera's snappin'!
Milestone: a significant point in development, a marker in a journey.
This pictures is of a Roman milestone. A wall was built around this ancient milestone in the city of Rome. "The Romans mapped property boundaries, towns, roads, and journeys, using cartography to administer their far-flung empire."
Can you think of any milestones over this past year?
For Mary Beth, it was losing her first tooth, (and the tooth fairy forgetting to put her money under the pillow, to be reminded by Nick in the morning.) Kindergarten was another milestone, her first school backpack.
For Tadpole, learning to ride a two-wheel bike without training wheels was a biggie and getting his first report card with all A's and B's, getting awarded Ranger of the year.
Nick was his first sleep-away camp, his first basketball team, finally winning the spelling bee.
Me....hmmm. not sure, but I know there were some there, the biggest was accepting my referral for Olivia Mame.
Think of this, another family, one year home with their two children adopted from Ethiopia, were told by their oldest boy that "every year since he was 5, someone had died. " Like this dear mother, I cannot imagine that. Living with that.
My son fell apart when his pet catapillar died. Seriously. Can you imagine the milestone or memory you measure with being who had died and who was living? So so sad. Such a perspective changer. Makes most of my complaints seem rathr wimpy.
16 days until Mame's court date, trois, (does that mean three in French?) It would be awesome to pass this time, but it is odd, I just keep setting my mind up not to pass. Is that the shell coming on?
If we don't pass, it may be May or later before our next court date, as some families right now are being assigned a court date of end of April. As in everything all along, I surrender this to God. He knows the best time to bring Mame into our family.
So, there will be only one trip.
It was very hard to make this decision, but the decision is made. We will be adopting Mame, only.
I am praying for the family that will take Hanna as a referral, whoever they are, God already knows that, and I am hoping I get the chance to chat with them and see their joy in accepting her.
For us, for sooooo many reasons, Mame as one addition is best.
So we look forward to the rest of this journey and trust in God who is sovereign.
I was thinking about Olivia....Mame.... For a year now we have called her Olivia, around here, and she does not know that name, does not know we call her that. I noticed recently, I call her Mame a lot. For a couple reasons, one I just did without realizing it, but second, I wanted the kids and my parents to become familiar with that name, in case Mame does not like the name Olivia.
When I adopted Mary Elisabeth, her name was Wu, Qing, (Ching)...but they called her "Char". So she was not familiar with her legal name at all, and was a month shy of 3 years old. Her transition to Mary Beth was fairly easy, although she loves being called "Princess Qing Qing". :)
Mame is quite a bit older, and we will have a BIG language challenge to work through. How do I even explain to her, that I would like to add-to her name, the name Olivia? Like Mary, she will come to use with nothing other than the clothes she has on, her memories and her name...
The challenge with "Mame" (currently pronounced Muh-may) is that most people will have no clue on how to pronounce it, if they just see it written, like at school etc. I am hoping she will feel good about having Olivia as her first name and Mame as her middle name.
I know many families change their names altogether, and many do not change them at all.... Some have let their children pick a new name. :)
Olivia has some signifigance with us. Prior to adopting even Mary, Tadpole had a dream he said of his little sister we would be adopting and she looked just like Olivia in his preschool class, (yes that many years ago). Fastfoward a few years, and when I was thinking of adopting from Ethiopia, I found this picture of this 16 year old sister and her little infant sister. Both orphans. Their names? Sandra and Olivia. So Olivia has just sorta stuck.
I am doing this Bible Study on Esther by Beth Moore. One of the weeks lessons talks about decisions, and how we sometimes avoid them.
Decisions can come with a lot of fears. If I decide this thing, I go down one path and if I go down the other, a different future. And when the decision is not a matter of right or wrong, but right or different right...,
It is so hard to decide.
Then their are times, when you have decided, and are just not ready to focus on it or admit it, that you have decided.
Faith is this foggy thing, where you do not see crystal clear, and need to step out believing anyway. Make a decision without knowing 100% (50%) which way is the way God wants us to take. I hear of folks that get crystal clear answers, divine sparkles of instruction. I do not get that. I often get these surprizing encouragements or perspective clearing reminders, but not the clear "Choose A, not B" type interventions. I wish I did. I think.
So my heart is in the right place, and I am not scared of the hard or the unusual path, so it is not avoidance. If God said, "walk this way, down this path" I would.
But He is not saying, at least not yet, at least I am not hearing. and my path is already often hard and often unusual. And my heart, at times is bigger than the state of Texas....and sad to say at other times hard and worn out. :(
So, like Esther, I am in this place, at this time, with these responsibilities and God is providential and working, even when I do not see it.
So I am simmering a decision....perhaps I will get clarity later this week, or perhaps I already have it and am not ready to share it. I think the latter is probably true.
If "A" then God will be with us, if "B" then, again, God will be with us.
But an eternity is still impacted. several eternities, by my decision...
It looks like I will be making two trips to Ethiopia. Who knows how many months apart. I don't know what all this will mean as far as paperwork and cost. I am hoping there will be no changes in paperwork, and the additional cost that would entail.
The positive side, is I can focus on Mame, and she can transition into our family, start school, get situated adjust some, then we can focus on Hanna. Each getting a little more personal attention.
With the added expense of a second trip (and maybe even the cost of having to re-do some paperwork, etc), I will have to be smarter with my money, save more.
I know God has his purpose and timing...I SO want to listen and just REST in Him. SO often, in many things in life, I think, God why didn't you just do it THIS way. (ie, my way that I have all figured out.). I picture Him grinning at me, and thinking, "Child, I have it worked out, just trust me."
I want to. I do trust you, help my doubt or wavering. SO Mame's court date is 23 days away, this is the third time. SO maybe she will pass and I will be making a trip in late March!
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PS. More news just in. There is a high likelihood that Mame may not pass court this time either, on Feb 26th. There is a person they have to locate, who has to be present in court for her to pass. They cannot locate him. His only number is a cell phone, and it is no longer in service. They are trying to find him. I would love any prayers you would offer, that God would open the way and have Mame pass court this time. Again, I surrender, God's will and timing be done.
I have discovered, again and again, that God is truly providential, in control, and very smart. His timing is the best, regardless of whether I think it is or not.
There is a song with the phrase, I think based on a verse, that says:
We have an anchor beyond the veil.
Heb 6:19 This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil...
And, although the veil is talking about the holy of holies, and the mystery there, the presence of God. ...the same holds true of the mystery of our future, of what is to come and when. The future is veiled to us, yet already fully known by God. And although veiled, we have an anchor, beyond that veil, beyond that unknown, in God. My God who loves and cares and orchestrates my present, is also in my future and orchestrating that as well.
So with an anchor beyond the veil, I hold on. This time of uncertainty and weariness will pass.....
There comes a point, where you are tired of talking about it, planning for it, waiting on it, even give up fretting ...all the stuff...just wears thin. You just want to move on with your life and start it.
Yet, I know God's timing is perfect. I am concerned that I know nothing about Hanna, do not know where she is (other than "Nezret compound", when she will move, how she is being cared for. No way to send her pictures, no one going, goes there. Is she still there is she ok?
When she sees my scrapbook of 150 pictures of Olivia and one 1 of her, will she think I did not care. :( How do you scrap 1 picture?
Ok, I know that is a silly stupid thing to fret over, but I am wearing thin of all the time, all the questions...nothing to say, nothing to update....
I received a snippet about Mame today, from a mommy over visiting the orphanage in Addis Ababa. She said:
"Mame is such a good girl, such a mother hen and I have a picture she is saying 'HI MOM'."
A mother hen, huh? That will be nice to help with my growing brood, but maybe a challenge moving from being one of the oldest, to in the middle! But still the oldest sister, so maybe a little mother "henning" opportunities.
Although, we call Mary "little mama" sometimes, because she LOVES to boss around her brothers and try to make them obey me!
Back to waiting for new court dates. :) Hoping Hanna will be moved from Nazret to Hope soon, so she can meet her sister Mame.... Wanting to get photos and send a little photo album....but.....I don't know when she will move.
I ordered the extra set of bunkbeds today for the girls room! So I will have room for all three of my girls, plus an extra bed for stuffed animals or sleepovers!
Plus I got two sets of under the bed drawers for both sets of beds in the room!
Yea~.
Now on to finding a while armoire...I have found that very difficult to find!
With Mame's court delay and with the addition of Hanna on the way, I have been into organizing the nest. I am so grateful to other large families on the yahoo group(s) I belong to and all their great ideas and suggestions.
(Denise, thank you for all your emails and great ideas! Makes me excited that it IS doable!)
Looking at bunkbeds, and bedroom armoires. Going into Mary's room and mentally rearranging it again and again, Scouting out where I will putup a set of hooks for coats by the back door (Thanks Denise for the idea) and a bench or box for shoes.... Last night we had our first dinner "buffet style" Rather than take all I cooked and move it from cooking dishes to serving dishes all over the table...I just put plates on the table and then one by one we went into the kitchen and I filled the kids plates...and then they could go back for seconds. Table was less cluttered, serving and clean up much easier! (Again thanks to Denise...wise wise woman!)
I made up my "honey do" list for my dad, Nick said I need to call it my "papa do" list.... I revamped my budget, caught up on bills, actually negotiated a lower interest rate on one... and I ordered a couple books....
So nesting, big time. I wish I could post pictures of Mame and Hanna. I have this new one of Mame, I just LOVE and I only have one of Hanna, but she look so precious, and delicate and just quiet. How can a picture look quiet? I am not sure, but she does.
I am so happy and thrilled to announce, on our way to finding Olvia (Mame) we also found another little sister (big sister to Mary) too!
Although yesterday had the cloud of Olivia Mame not passing court and us having to wait on another courtdate, the Son broke through, shining bright with a referral of a second daughter from Ethiopia. Hanna, a precious little 6 year old...will be joining our family. I told you something was stirring in my soul and it wasn't cookie dough. Gotta go find that 5th apron.
I am just so thrilled. The kids are thrilled. I told them all last night and you would think it was Christmas again! Even Angela was grinning from ear to ear, perhaps thinking I am nuts, but still grinning.
So yes...we will be a family of 6, counting Momma. 6.2 counting Bella, our pint-sized Marley. I don't have a lot of details on Hanna, she is in Nazret right now, and I hope she will soon move to the orphanage, Hope's Place, where Mame is, so they can get to know each other.
(I am going to modify some things on this site, when I get a chance this week, to track the timeline of both the girls.).
So I am looking for a extra white twin bed, a new armoire, a white toy box... a few things to make our adjustment.
It was so funny, I told the kids one by one, starting with Nick...who was so excited he immediately was yelling for Tadpole to come here...when we got to Mary and shared with her, after her excitement she said. "And then we will have to get another boy for gege's"
God is awesome and I could cry. :) He loves me...why else would he bless me with these wonderful children? I am doing good., even with the setback news today.
My kids are home from school, everyone is happy and I know our house will be growing...God is good.
So I need to find an armouire ( I have no idea how to spell that word.) for the girls room to hang dresses...and another bed..... I am wondering whether I should get another bunk bed, or just a single...hmmmm.
A missing piece of paper still. But God is in charge, I know..and no plan of His can be thwarted, so He must have a better timing. I appreciate prayers for a court date and a complete file.
It made me think of myself, and the other adoptive families. All of us awaiting our new additions. We prepare, we read, we share, we chat, we pray, we nest and gather, and organize, we dream and wish....
and get ready...
but we know the road is really unknown, both in the journey TO them, and then of course on the journey WITH them. So we know, whatever we do, we will never be truly ready. How can you be ready for whatyou don't know?
So it is peaceful to take on the thought of being ready to not be ready. Being ready to go with the flow, move with what happens, adjust, hug, share, pray and dream some more..
and face our futures...ours and theirs...with a ready heart.
God is ready.... Emmanuel...
It is Christmas in Ethiopia today... Merry Christmas Mame!
tick tock tick tock...my court date is Friday. I saw this video made by Angel on her blog and she said others can post it. It is beautiful and such a testimony to families and hearts and God. http://thevoiceofadventure.blogspot.com/ I have to share it.
I have been doing some book browsing today...and thought I would share some of my finds and what appealed to me regarding the book...Most I ordered used, from Amazon.com.
This one, because it is a picture book, and talks about multi-racial families.....
Colors Come from God Just Like Me (Hardcover)by Carolyn A. Forche (Author), Charles Cox (Illustrator) This one, is based on Genesis, and all the variety that God has created, including skin color....
Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too (Paperback)by Adele Faber (Author), Elaine Mazlish (Author)
This one to educate myself on some different ways to handle the conflicts between my children.
We're Different, We're the Same (Pictureback(R)) (Paperback)by Bobbi Kates (Author), Joe
Mathieu (Illustrator) This one, because of its message and also the fun exercise of going through how we are alike and how we are all different, and not just because of skin color.
Holding Time (Paperback)by Martha G. Welch (Author), Mary Ellen Mark (Author) This one, because I am reading up on attachment and another parent recommended it, but also, because, I notice, even with my big boys (10 and 8) they love when momma holds them in her lap...even if they feel silly, and so does little Mary. Something I need to do more of.
Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear, 2nd Edition (Paperback)by Pam Leo (Author)
And last, but not least, the reason I went to amazon.com in the first place, to get this book, recommended by another mom: I Love You Rituals (Paperback)by Becky A. Bailey (Author)
So Friday is our new court date...I could wake up that morning and find out, I have a new daughter....after waiting for so long, it just feels so unreal....but I am so hopeful, with God and a new year, that this will be an awesome year in God for my family. He is faithful, sovereign and so very loving.
Relentless, he is relentless in His love and pursuit of us, regardless of how flawed I may be..and THAT gives me great hope.
We got our annual family Christmas pictures done today. I had held off, before my failed court date, hoping Olivia Mame would be in them. But she was not....however we still had fun and it documents our last Christmas as a family of four!
And next Christmas....she will be here.
Well I don’t know if you remember me or not I’m one of the kids they brought in from the home I was the red-haired boy in an old green flannel shirt You may not have seen me – I was standing off alone I didn’t come and talk to you, ‘cause that’s never worked before And you’ll prob’ly never see this letter anyway But just in case there’s something you can do to help me out I’ll ask you one more time
All I really want for Christmas Is someone to tuck me in A shoulder to cry on if I lose Shoulders to ride on if I win There’s so much I could ask for But there’s just one thing I need All I really want for Christmas is a family
Well I guess I should go ahead and tell you now If it’s really true about that list you have Somehow I always seem to end up in a fight But I’m really trying hard not to be bad But maybe if I had a brother or a dad to wrestle with Well, maybe they could teach me how to get along And from everything I’ve heard Sounds like the greatest gift on earth would be a mom
All I really want for Christmas Is someone to tuck me in A shoulder to cry on if I lose Shoulders to ride on if I win There’s so much I could ask for But there’s just one thing I need All I really want for Christmas
Is someone who’ll be there To sing me “Happy Birthday” For the next 100 years And it’s OK if they’re not perfect Well, even if they’re a little broken, that’s alright ‘Cause so am I
Well, I guess I should go It’s almost time for bed And maybe next time I write you I’ll be at home
‘Cause all I really want for Christmas Is someone to tuck me in Tell me I’ll never be alone Someone whose love will never end Of all that I could ask for Well, there’s just one thing I need All I really want for Christmas All I really want for Christmas is a family
As I am waiting for my court date, and with all the stuff I have to do to "make Christmas", I am doing anything but "waiting". :) I realize how truly smart and well-thought out God is. This very week, would have been the week I would have traveled to Ethiopia if we had passed court in November.
How hard it would have been and chaotic. I would have missed the Christmas program at church, and Mary's play tomorrow night, I would NOT have had the Christmas gifts done, I would be feeling frantic, my children at home would be missing me the week before Christmas...and then trying to help sweet Olivia transition into her new life the week of Christmas would have been confusing and too much for her.
Isn't God smart? Thank you Lord, that your wisdom saw the months after Christmas as a much better time in so many ways!
We are blessed...and dear sweet Olivia Mame will be with us soon...what a Valentine.
ABC news aired a program on Nov 28th that is well worth the watch.
http://abcnews.go.com/2020
Look under recentlyon 20/20 and find Nov 28th. Or the title which is the toughest call.
It is truly a balanced and eductational story. I look at my own experience and realize how niave and clueless I was. Wanting a little Pollyanna family and pink-bowed and frills girl.
I realize in the past two and 1/2 years with Mary Beth, how God has matured me. How my motivation at first to adopt was truly about ME! What I wanted, what I needed...sorry to say, that was the truth.
And now, He is shifting that...has shifted it, though I still always have far to go....
To what this child needs, what all my children need. Yes, it would have been easier to have just my two boys and leave it at that. Even now, it would be easier to have my three kids and stop here, but....
Our family is not done. :) And not only is it a hope and work in me, that God is doing through adoption, but a hope and love for my dear daughters, and a hope and work of love in my sons.
Children are individuals, with needs, sorrows, joys, quirks... God has a plan for each and everyone of them, and if I can remember to lift my head from the day to day responsibilities in life..from execution of details, to the content, the thread, textured element in those details of nuturing a life to see how special they are, how loved, how planned for and thought about (by not just me, but God) and how full of hope and chance for life and impact they have....to nuture their soul and body and spirit, to help them find God and find the person they are meant to be.....
and in that journey, truly find myself as well.
That is why...
In this episode, they tell about this woman in montana that helps with children with RAD or other severe issues in adoption. She is a blessing and an angel, in my mind. I would love to do what she does in a future season.... http://www.ranchforkids.org/
This is a cross-post from my family blog, but since it deals a lot with adoption too, I thought I would post it in both places! http://sandeefamily.blogspot.com/ _____________________
I just love my little Tadpole!
Anthony....
Last night we pulled out a tape measure to see how tall he is. (I wanted to know if Olivia was taller than him, since we figured out her height.
We discovered that Olivia is an inch and 1/2 TALLER than Tadpole!
(I was really focused and some concerned in my adoption to not displace Tadpole, as the second oldest and big brother to his sisters. So as I have been finding out little bits of additional information on Olivia, I have kept this concern in mind.)
When I shared that Olivia was an inch and 1/2 taller than him, Tadpole laughs and says "I am shorter thatn EVERYONE!" Grinning big, as if it was a badge of honor.
As the facts settled in a bit more with him, he started saying, this might be a little creepy. To have her taller than me. I really wanted to emphasize that an inch and 1/2 was not that much. So, I "stood" on my knees, and kneeling, "walked" up to him. Eyes slightly above his. We measured my height from my knees, and I am exactly Olivia's height. So I grinned and said, Hi Tadpole. I'm Olivia. And hugged him!
He grinned from ear to ear and laughed.
Later we talked about not being sure what grade she was really in. And that for the remainder of this school year that she would be in a special ESL class that was made up of 1st through 3rd graders. So, at the end of the year, the teacher will let us know which grade she should go into next year.
(My thoughts are that she is older than we think, older than Tadpole, perhaps...)
I told him, she may need to go into 3rd grade next fall, like you! Depending on how she does. He was very happy and excited about this prospect. Cool! , his words, to have his sister in his class!
I am actually praying that WOULD happen. What a great bonding for her, what a great way for Tadpole to feel a special connection...and what a great learning tool for the class to learn about adoption and multi-racial families.
With the new pictures I received of Olivia Mame, there is one where she is standing in front of a height chart. But it is just too hard to see and figure out the numbers. A co-worker and I got out a little magnifying glass to try to read it. It says 135 cm which translates to almost 52 inches.
Talking to several moms, and looking at some clothes size charts, it seems she is size 8. So the new clothes I bought a week or so ago should fit! Yipeeee!
I also checked her height against an age/height chart...and EITHER she is the age they say AND in the 99% percentile for her age (ie...tallest girl in history...grin...) OR she is 8 or 9 and average height for her age.
Since I have heard of many, many stories of children being older than the referral states, which I am perfectly ok with, I am guessing she is 8 or 9.
The big question will be what grade in school should so go in to? Will she end up being in the same class/grade as Tadpole, rather than a grade below, as I thought? Being in the same class, would be kind of cool! :) Quite a topic of conversation for his small class on adoption and families! :)
What is so great about school when she comes home, since I do not know what grade she should go into, is the ESL progam I am putting her in is grade 1-3 ALL in one class! All day! And the teacher is so sweet. The day I visited the class they were using an apple peeler to make pies..and it smelled so yummy!
She will let Mame learn and grow at her own pass, and with the teachers expertise, by the end of the year, she can tell me what grade she SHOULD go in academically, vs just choosing based on an age that could or could not be valid! How cool is that??!!!
Just another little piece to the puzzle. I hve her new picture on my desk, by my monitor...and love to looke at it and see her sparkling eyes and smiling face!
I had already surrendered this all to God and He knows for the benefit of ALL involved, the best timing and no plan of his can be thwarted.
I did not pass court in Ethiopia today because a piece of paper was missing from the previous orphanage Mame was at and Addis Family Services. They rescheduled the court date for a month out..sometime in Dec. I do not have that date yet..which will mean, I will travel sometime in January.
Although I am dissapointed, God knew all along the best timing. And it will be less hectic for us to go after Christmas, and less crazy for her to transition into our home after Christmas.
I will let you know my new court date when I get it. God already knows when it is, but He isn't telling. :)
You probably are not even aware what is going on today. in 60 seconds, it will be tomorrow in Ethiopia.....
Will this day be our special day?
Will you be my daughter before the day is out?
I wonder if you slept any different this night? I know I will.
I wonder what you think? What you like, How you laugh, how you cry? What thoughts make you smile, what thoughts make you scared? Are you a girlie girl or tom boy and someone in between? Like to read, like to draw, like to play sports? What was your mother's name? What was your daddy like? Do you miss them? Do you remember them?
Did you have any brothers and sisters? Will you grow to love your new ones?
How different your life will be.... I wonder, will it start tomorrow? On paper, at least?
