Pray, pray , pray, pray, pray, pray......

Sometimes things just happen the hard way. So I am asking you to pray with me to pull this thing on through!

I got word today from my adoption agency, that the attorney in Addis Ababa, who handles all our court cases and paper work, is on this very day in the Mame's region of the country (birth region) trying to get her paperwork finished. That it is a 2 or 3 day trip from Addis, and she should be back Friday night or Saturday morning!

Pray her favor and smooth sailing....and blessings to boot. I am sure her hands are so full, and taking a few days out to handle Mame's case is so loving of her. Favor and blessing, oh Lord, favor and blessing!

Have a cup of coffee in the valley...

Between the peaks of getting a referral and having all my paperwork complete, and the mini-peaks for various court date expectancies, and sitting open at court, and...

between all those peaks.....are valleys. And from a birds eye view, I might see the true perspective of one long valley from last July until..some future date when I pass court.

So come have a cup of Java with me in this valley.

I just found out news today, that the ban on abandonment cases being lifted, was not what I was truly waiting for. That Mame still needs some paperwork from the local authorities in the region where she was born. This particular paperwork quest was started in February...three month before the ban was imposed. Next week, the lawyer at Hope in Ethiopia is going to Mame's city of origin to try to get the paper work complete. (bless her with favor Lord, and bless her for caring enough for this ONE case, one little girl, out of so many, to take the time.)

So, I know my wait will be longer than I was not expecting. (Odd phrase..I should have been expecting shorter, but really don't expect anything any more, other than one day it will happen. )

So in this long valley...the changing of my mood/perspective has changed the view of this valley. It has offered time for growth (spiritual emotional) to my family here, waiting. Being far better adjusted now to take on a new family member, than back in Nov 2008, and still seeing how we need to grow. Better school-wise. (three of the four will be at the same school now, rather than three different schools).... Better health-wise (will have some surgeries out of the way, that could have been hard on Mame to be with momma, then have momma be in the hospital)....and even a time of being "family alone" as our au pair leaves in August and it will be just me and the kids for awhile. My kids have taken on chores and are helping around the house now. My eyes have been opened to the comsummer bug, and we are eradicating him form our life as much as possible..... so many good things in this valley.

And now, knowing the valley will again be longer, and the travel money being gobbled up by two major car repairs, school uniforms, and other unexpected budget biters,....I have more time to re-save the money which will bring Olivia Mame home.

The wear and tear on my heart in the valley is less now. My heart is not so frenzied, my emotions not so raw.

I cannot truly understand Mame's heart in all this. I know it is hard seeing other kids go. Even though they are going to an unknown...a dream. Sometimes the loss or delay of the dream is far more painful than the reality. So I know this valley has been extremely long for her. On the other hand, she does not know us, the reality of us, just the thought and photo of us. No way to comprehend WHY it has been 16 months of waiting, no realization that it HAS been that long, for her I am sure. I pray for God to give her hope, joy and comfort...and to prepare her heart for transition...some day.

So when folks ask me, I tell you...I do not know. I am hoping Mame will be home in 2009, my mind thinks, SURELY she will. But I do not know.

Good news from a distant land...

"Like cold water to a weary soul is good news from a distant land." Prov 25:25

Good news today from Ethiopia. Our agency said they just got word that the courts did take all the abandonment cases today, and will be issuing court dates for them soon. That it is possible that the courts may start hearing abandonment cases as early as this Thursday!!!

Can you believe it?

Rains down in Africa

NO news....

So here is our "no news". Not from our agency, but from another agency. They stated the decision announcement on the abandonment cases (and hold) is not being shared today, as we all thought, but on July 2nd.

So that is our no news.... Hoping on that date they do not just announce their decision/outcome, but also the plan for all the backlog of cases.

More time to wait for news. ....

BEST case scenerio right now (ie impossible to happen), would be travel at the third or fourth week in August. I think it will be more like Sept.

Longing for my little girl!

be missing my girl...even though we have never met! I have heard things about her these past couple weeks, little peeks into her personality and I am SOOOOOO ready to bring her home. It has been about 15 months, since I sent her the first (and only ) photo album of her American family, so I made a new one this weekend. The other was just snapshots in a little 4 x 6 photo folder you can buy at target. I decided to dess it up a bit this time. SO I made her a little scrapbook photo album. My thumb is over the first picture, which is her, because I cannot show you her picture, but you can see the rest. Each page has a tab with a letter on it. M A M E...spells Mame, (mauh - may). And I am sending with the next families traveling in July!
We miss you Mame! Soon, I hope, soon!

The Tabs Front Cover

Back Cover

My family...someday it will be....

I got to talk to another momma today who just returned from spending many days at Mame's orphanage, with her own two children and my Mame. I loved hearing all about the details.... Meals, school, clothes, etc.

I still do not know when some new action will happen, or I will pass court, BUT I am still expectantly hopeful...

She longs to come to America...as I long to come bring her home.

News from afar.....

I got some precious news...from Diann, a momma just returning from Ethiopia...who visited with Mame:

I know you will be getting lots of updates, but I wanted to tell you of my experience with your BEAUTIFUL daughter, Olivia Mame.

I hope that this brings you comfort and joy and please know that I continue to pray your time to travel will come soon. She is going to be a magnificent addition to your family.

This little lady just captures your heart in the first moment that you meet her. She has a sweet, gentle spirit about her and is very much the mother and caretaker of the kids. She is SMART! The kids all said their ABC's, counted to 40 (when I stopped them), said their days of the week, months of the year and all their body parts. And if my Bizunesh is any indication, she will know a lot more English than she will let on at first. (That has been a hoot!)

Mame is very affectionate and explained through a gentleman there that she thinks of you often. After receiving your package, she was adamant that he translate a letter to be sent to you. I want to mail this letter to you, but I also wanted to send the contents via e-mail so you would have it sooner!

Hello Mom. I love you mom and all the family. I am eager to see all my American family. I missed you and again I love you. Thank you for the present.

He also told me that she kept telling him to tell you I love you and Thank you. But that he only wrote it once in the letter. She loved her hat and shirt, although I would go a size larger on the shirt. She really is beauty. What a gift from above.

__________________________________________________

Isn't that the most precious thing!!? Hang on dear Mame.....I will get there as soon as I can!

Moodshifting: dresses and smiles....

I can feel my mood shifting. From one of irritation, dismay, to one of expectancy and excitement.

Nothing on the news landscape has changed...but my mind has moved from "WHEN??!" and "What now!"....to, oh Olivia will look cute in that, and oh this will be so fun for Olivia and Mary to do together...

I see little girls Olivia's age with their little summer dresses and leggings, and it takes all my might not to go shopping! lol.

I have moved to thinking, "soon. It will be soon." Knowing soon is a relative term. But no more dispair! Prayers of friends and family must be working.

A little insight from another mother made me smile today. She said her two daughters in Ethiopia, that she is in the process of bringing home this week, moved to their English names within two days. She said they "love their English names!".

So...that was thrilling to know. I have heard from others too, that the older children really look forward to their English names. :) So Olivia.....I hope you will love your name.....

Happy hearted waiting.

PS...and that cute dress above is from Garnet Hill.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PSS. I got an update from Kathleen, who is in Ethiopia right now....on Olivia Mame. She said she is in a happier mood today. She said:

She is 68 pounds
54 1/4 inches tall
size 10/12 would be much better!!!
Her hat fit.
She was so much happier today to see us and she felt much better with her package!!!!!

Update...

Well, I wasn't going to talk about it, but since I have two updates....I guess I will. The first is that Ethiopian Adoptions regarding abandoned children are temporarily on hold. Some agencies are being investigated. I understand our agency is already in the clear, but all are being held up until the investigations are over. I have no clue how long this dealy will be.

On a bittersweet note, I heard from Kathleen, who is bringing home her two daughters and is in Ethiopia this week. Her older daughter is Mame's bunk mate. This is part of what she wrote, talking about her daughter and then Mame:

She ran off and got Mame. Mame was very sad. ...Mame and Kalkidan (Laura Faith) share the same bed, school and Mame does K and D's hair and gets her things daily. Mom kept insisting that the driver translate that Mame and Wubitu and Henery kids parents are hoping they get out soon.

Mame hung out the whole time 9 am until 115pm with us. Wubitu left to play with others.
Mame is the one that takes good care of our girls. She took it extremely hard that K was leaving. I had to really coax a smile. The water bottle and coffee ceremoney cheered Mame up.

All the kids were preparing notes and letters for K and D..Mame did not as she was with us.
Mame read the letters and they all laughed. one boy said it was good for k but bad for him as he will miss her so much. the kids were all giggles.

Ahhh.....pray for my little girl, as she lost her best friend this week! Pray that things will clear up quickly and I will get to bring her home quickly!

Drawn from Water from Drawn From Water on Vimeo.

Wait and Pray

I know God is working so I just wait and pray!!

(encouraging words..from Joanie Rubash)

Rrrrring.....in Jazzy tones.

I have this new Jazzy Tone as my ringer on my cell. It is so mellow and "cool", that often it does not sink in that my cell phone is ringing.

I was in a meeting this am, just got out of it and in the middle my cell phone started playing.

I thought, this is it, this is it...in the middle of this meeting today, I am going to find out that Mame is mine!

I hardly ever get phone calls at work in the am on my phone. My calls are either my mom, kids or our au pair and they normally happen in the afternoon or evening. SO a ring is something special!

I scramble for my purse....thinking how to do keep facilitating this meeting and handle my phone call....I find the phone, look at the screen to see if it is that non-memorized phone number from Grace......

It was not. :(

I was just so sure today would be the day. This is the week I NEED it to be, for all my summer plans. This is the week that Wednesday are the open case days. I have been an open case (not basket case, open case :) ) for 68 days now. Can't imagine there are ones open longer...... But they probably are. Plus I doubt if they are going on a first in first out bases. Who knows if my paperwork is even done. I am clueless...

But in the words of Joanie Rubash, on another matter on my heart:

I know God is working so I just wait and pray!!

Amen....and listen for that Jazzy tone on my cellphone.

Some hopeful news....

I got some hopeful news today, from the office manager, (I think that is her title) from our agency. She said, regarding the cases that are sitting open at court:

"Due to the huge amount of open cases the courts have right now, they aredesignating Wednesday as open case day. They will hear open cases part of the day Wednesdays until they are through them all.This doesn't mean this upcoming Wednesday they will hear all, obviously, we have at least 15 open cases right now and every other agency has as many so it will take some time to get to all of us. At least they recognize the problem and have come up with a plan!"

I know the chances of us being in the first batch is slim, and I don't know if they go be who has been waiting the longest, I kind of doubt it....but wouldn't if be glorious if THIS Wednesday we actually passed court??!!!!

This Sunday, my three little ones and I went back for prayer during the service...and our prayer with the pastor, was that Mame would pass court so we can take the next step to bring her home.

Keep praying with us please..... Also pray for Wubitu and Henery....Mame's best friend. They have court tomorrow Monday. Pray we hear awesome news!

A call to prayer...

There is patience and there is also prayer. Please help me pray Mame through the courts.

Our battle is not against flesh and blood but against rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

2 Corinthians 10:4For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;

If you are a praying person, please, truly, join with me in prayer to bring her home.... I would love for you to post a prayer her in the comments section. If you pray the word, please pray it on her behalf.

Matthew 18:19"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.Matthew 18:18-20

James 5:16The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Abba,

You are an awesome God, powerful and loving. And you DO reign over all courts, powers, people and things. I ask for your powerful hand to reach out on Mame's behalf. Stop any work of our enemy, and open the doors to move her case to resolution. I pray you will protect her body, heart, and soul and you will bring a favorable decision now. You are our compassionate Father and ruling King. You love the orphan and you put the lonely in families. Now is the time Abba, I am pleading, now is the time. I am asking you move in such a way that your glory will spread around your works. Bring Mame home....and bring Wubitu and Henery home too. I ask the same for them, a favorable result on Monday.

By the love and sacrifice of Jesus, who purchased the price for us to plead boldly at the foot of your throne. We love you. We need you. Amen.

Melissa refreshed my perspective.....

I am done whining. :)

I needed a perspective adjustment, and Melissa was just the person to give it to me!

Melissa's Blog

Thank you Lord~

The substance of waiting.....

It is so hard to wait, isn't it? Even harder when you do not know how long the wait is and where your progress is along that "wait line".

I load a program on my computer, or surf off to a website and I get little blue or green lines showing my progress. The only reason these show up it for MY benefit to feel like progress is being made and the wait will soon be over.

My adoption experience this time around, is not like this. I do not remember a wait like this for anything else in my life. Ever. Even my last adoption, take two years, I did not have a wait like this. Each time a had a milestone up ahead with a date and timeframe tied to it and it happened when it was scheduled to happen. My biggest wait was waiting the two months for approval from China...but they said it would take two months and it did!! It took two months.

I am finding myself becoming ..... what? cynical? or maybe more skeptical. Where cynical doubts motives, skeptical suspends judgement due to doubt.

I don't doubt motives. I believe the motives are good. I am becoming a skeptic. I am suspending not just judgement, but joy.

Someone announces a court date and is happy. I keep quiet. :( My skeptic mind thinks, that doesn't mean anything. You could have 7 court dates and be no closer. (Yea, I know, ugly, huh? Or you could have one and breeze through.) I scoff internally as someone plans a potential date to travel, when they don't even have a court date yet.

I HATE that about myself. SO I keep quiet. I have quit talking about it. Quit talking about adoption, or my daughter or the process. Quit asking about how my case is going.... (trying hard, I ask about every two weeks now...but even that is dwindling). Quit probing for information.

Quit planning on this summer and trying to losely sketch in plans.... and that part makes me cry.

And all that resounds in my mind and heart is WHY??!!!! Why can't someone take the 20 minutes to look in my file tell me where along the route this illusive piece of paper is and let me know? Why must this case get bounced out of court three times and just hang here? Why Mame? Why is this one the one sitting open at court going on 61 days now?

See why I don't talk? She why I try to just ignore that I am in the middle of this process?

And what is so odd about all this.... is I do trust in God. I do know He knows. I do know He has plans. I do know He says "Wait on me", and I do know He has reasons I will never fathom and even some reasons I can get a peek at.

I know that. And many days, most days, that trust and faith is the substance of my waiting.... and I am ok.

And then, some days, like today, I rail against my blank waiting line....and feel the edges of my soul get grouchy. On those days, He loves me just the same, He loves Mame just the same, His plan is still unfolding....and maybe, He hugs me a little tighter.

Like Hannah, I am praying from my heart for my child. I do not want to get bitterness of soul. Lord, keep me from it.

Sitting Open...

Open: 1: having no enclosing or confining barrier : accessible on all or nearly all sides 2 a (1): being in a position or adjustment to permit passage : not shut or locked (2): having a barrier so adjusted as to allow passage b: having the lips parted c: not buttoned or zipped

Court: conduct or attention intended to win favor

No news.... I am still sitting "open at court"

No barrier, win favor, permit passage, mouth wide open!!! Say YES! Tomorrow would be the right day to say YES!

Curly Q

I got a picture today, from another returning mommy... I just love Mame's lovely, curly hair!

Can't show you her, but here is part of her hair!

Special....

Sitting with an open court date, when it feels like everyone else has a specific court date (and I know from experience, a specific court date does not have any more assurance of when you will pass court....since I have had three specific court dates) ...makes you special. :)

So, here are my thoughts on it, (as if you wanted them...lol!)

Since I have been sitting with an open court since Feb 26, here is what makes it special:) :

-I have some paperwork that needs to get done. If I did not have an open courtdate, then when the paperwork is finally done, I would have to wait anadditional 4 to 8 weeks for a court date....this way when it is done, I go to court that week.

-I get to deepen my trust and faith and hope in God and His timing and plan for our lives.

-I get to live spontaneously with all summer plans up in the air. (lol..notlikey this one so much).

-I get to resist buying all those cute little girl spring clothes, because Imight need summer clothes instead, or heaven forbid fall clothes, and I don'tknow what her size will be.

-I get to be in the silent background, when court dates are prayed over and expected with bated breath.

-I get to wonder what is going on a lot.

-I get to be totally surprized one day....

-I get to go through all these emotions and eat lots and lots of chocolate. (and that is really healthy for you...check here: http://www.girl.com.au/chocfullofacts.htm)

SO it is special...just not in the way I thought, like oh it is going to happen really really soon. :(

On the note of totally surprized one day....go see how Jacelyn was surprized TODAY! She has been sitting with an open court since Feb 26th, just like me....and her wait has been longer. http://jjandawilkinson.blogspot.com/2009/04/this-morning-i-was-laying-in-bed-trying.html

On the not of wondering what is going on a lot, here is the update from today:

"I found out today that MOWA has two of their staff members out for training lastcouple of weeks. They are short staffed, of course, and are not able toaccommodate any of the open cases until the staff members return. I don't know when they return."

When does waiting become forgetting......

Somedays.....I forget that I am waiting. :(

Untroubled and Undisturbed...

And the God of peace {wholeness, untroubled and undisturbed well-being} will be with you.

Phil 4:9b (Amplifed Version)

You are a hinding place for me...you surround me with songs and shouts of deliverance.

Psalm 32:7

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time {in due time} we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Gal 6:9

Dark night....

Yes....waiting in the dark is hard. Many days I am ok, and do fine....some days are harder though...and I finally break down and email or call, what's up.

I did that today...

And I have mixed feelings and am upset, but still why be upset, God is in control, even when it seems like it is all messed up. I have to trust Him.

I found out what I was told before is not true. :( I hate that. I hate mixed communication. I know with so many cases, it is hard, etc etc. But to me, it is us and this little girl and it is not so many, it is personal.

I found out that MOWA was NOT told to make an immediate recommendation on March 12th, like I was told they were. So all along I have been waiting on something that was not true and so confused on how an immediate recommendation could take 20 days! And why the other two families got their immediate recommendation and I did not. :(

I found out my lost file was found. Not sure when, guess that doesn't matter. I am still sitting open, pending.

I found out the same old issue is the issue that is holding me up. That they are trying to find the uncle that relinquished Olivia and I guess they have not been able to find him. That was the same issue back in January, on that court date. So they still are trying? Still can't find him.

I found out, at the same time that they are trying to locate him, they have filed paperwork to change her status to abandoned, since they cannot find him. And that paperwork can take ????? no one knows how long. They think shorter than a month, but no news on when it was actually filed or how long it actually takes.

So I am not sure if I really know anything? I guess I do. I know what it is not. And I know what they are doing.

So do I feel better?

Not really. I cried. Out of frustration, dissappointment, and just heart ache sadness.

I think I will stop eargerly checking my email every morning. And stop making this plan or that plan for the summer. The only reassurance I got was that they should be through before court closes. COURT CLOSES in AUGUST!!!!!!

Father, you know this...you know all this and more! Although I do not understand why, I do believe you are loving, and powerful and fully in charge. I have prayed and asked, so it is not I have not because I ask not. So there is some other reason that YOU KNOW the timing would be better later than sooner...so again I surrender my will. Not my will but yours.

Mail Your Red Envelope

I interrupt the regular adoptoin blogging, to bring this important message:

Join thousands of Americans in speaking up for the babies who are murdered by abortion.

Today is the day to pick up a pack of red envelopes at Office Depot (or anywhere else for that matter), address them to President Obama, attach your return address and a stamp, and mail them tomorrow (Tuesday, March 31st).

Each red envelope will represent a child whose life was taken through abortion. As red envelopes flood his mailbox, may President Obama come to his senses and miraculously have a change of heart concerning laws that can protect babies.

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W.
Washington , D.C. 20500

Write this on the back:

This envelope represents one child who died in abortion.
It is empty because that life was unable to offer anything to the world.
Responsibility begins with conception.

A year ago....

As I stalk my email each day, longing and searching for that very special email that will say I passed court....I think back to some very important email exchanges a year ago!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 25th 2008:

Email from Grace: hey give me a call when you get a chance

Sandee Reply: I have a 30 minute meeting right now, but will call when I am done. :)

Phone call - Grace: There is this little 6 year old girl I want to tell you about.........

{grin..lots of excited talking}

Next email from Grace: Here she is! (Pictures attached)

A photo of a precious a precious little girl with a scared, tentative smile and deer-in-the-headlight almond shaped eyes, in a pink and purple stripped sweater standing in front of a corrugated tin wall. Mame....

March 27, 2008

More emails, more pictures, hunting through the yahoo groups snapfish account to see more pictures (Praise the Lord for Julia M, who took lots of photos!)

Email from Grace : Here is a new picture of Mame. She is gorgeous!!

Reply Sandee: It is funny, yesterday, even though I did not know if she was mine yet, I bought her a shirt that says gorgeous on it! LOL!

Reply Grace: Thats funny! I see nothing that would stand in the way on this one!!

March 27th 2008 I accepted my referral for my precious daughter to be...Olivia Mame ...

I don't think a day goes by that I do not think about her. I pray for her often, relook at all her pictures, try to learn more about all I will need to know, to be a better mommy to her and her brothers and sister waiting here for her. God has her and the timing of her joining our family all in His plans.

I guess today is my referral anniversary! :)

I am NOT afraid....

I am not afraid.... now...I was...

When I am afraid, I will trust in you, Abba.

You hold us and her in your hands. We are yours.

...

Got news, that there is no bad news. no new news, no good news, but no bad news.

Still open, pending, waiting.

I need Africa...and China too....

So you have probably heard that phrase. I need Africa....

I need the reality and perspective change it brings..... The wake-up call to what is true and essential. You must read this story, that a precious daughter told her momma, regarding her life in Ethiopia....before she came to America....

..."told me about how in Ethiopia she didn’t have any shoes ... She said her and Elizabeth’s feet got burned and were bleeding because the ground was hot and things got poked in them that had to be picked out (maybe glass) because they were walking, walking, walking and had no shoes. ..."

http://peculiarsmith.blogspot.com/2009/03/are-you-wealthy.html

Go read the rest of it.... well worth the perspective adjustment. {Thank you Rebecca and Ruby, for the perspective adjustment.}

A year of Hope...

I let the day slip by on the calendar, but not in my heart. On St. Patty's Day, March 17th, Mame had been in Hope's Place, the orphanage for one year!

A year older. A year without some things, but probably not things she missed, but things she has never known.

But it was also a year full of things. A year full of food, and safety, a warm bed, clothes, friends to play with, school, a roof over her head and a future...although unknown to her.

A year of a family far away from her, praying for her, working to get paperwork done, to secure a future for her. She may have not known...but God knew. A year of Hope.

And as we wait for news...each week thinking, it could be this week I hear something, maybe even tomorrow.... we walk forward into this second year, still full of hope.

"I know the plans I have for you, Mame, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans for a hope and a future." Jer 29:11

Hope...

I did it!

96 pages, over 400 photos (yes) and a year of waiting.

I have Mame's scrapbook all done!

That is, until the next families comes home with more photos!

Whew! It feels like an accomplishment.

My first photos are from Feb 2008 and my most recent from Feb 2009.

Something accomplished while I wait.

What news will this week bring?

Who knows when I may hear some news? And will it be the long awaited good news?

I plan to take the summer off with Olivia Mame. I have 5 weeks vacation saved up and can take 6 weeks of Family Leave. Although one of those 6 is not paid, and the other five are paid at 55% of your pay..... SO I have to save up as much money as I can between now and then...which is SOOOO HARD for me to do! Please pray for me, that I can do this. With Christ all things are possible, including me saving money!

I have so much family bonding time planned for me and the kids this summer and do not want the stress of money to pay the bills hanging over my head.

I wonder what I will hear this week, and when?

ps. I can't sleep. I wonder if that is a sign? I tried to go to sleep. Tossed and turned. So I turned on the light and did a days devotional in The Beloved Disciple (Beth Moore). It was good, about God having a unique plan for each of us that only lovc can motivate us to walk. Then I read Psalm 14 and 15. Light back off. Prayed for my parents, each of my kids, my brother and his family, the folks at church who are out of work and looking for a job. Still no sleep. Light back on, checked email, checked a few blogs....and here I am, still not sleeping...

sigh...

And Abba loves each and everyone...

On this journey to daughters, one at home and one I am still waiting for, and this may sound dumb, I have only recently come to realize it is not about my desire for family, for a daughter, or second daughter. It is not about me being a momma, their momma. Although both of those are there.... It is about a little girl needing the rest of her life. She had a momma, one she probably loved and will miss her whole life long. Even if she grows to not remember her, the thought of the fact that she had a birth momma will be something she could always grieve.

I am not here to replace that. No ME momma possessiveness over her heart. Sounds silly. Selfish, but with my other daughter, I struggled with that at first. God has grown in my heart and emotions.

I see now, it is about her life. About love and nuturing and being a second momma to love her her whole life long. I pray her first momma knew Jesus. I want to dance at the day in heaven I would be able to hold her hand and smile over her daughter, who become my daughter, too.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

What I know....

What I know....

As I said before, on Feb 26 our files in Ethiopia were lost at the Ministry of Women's Affairs, along with two or three other families. After not finding them, today the court judge in Ethiopia has asked "MOWA to issue an immediate recommendation on your case."

I am not quite sure what that means, but what I think it means is that they are asking them to work with copies and have MOWA make their decision on our case. That request will be taken to MOWA on Thursday.

They will then take ??? amount of time to determine their recommendation. That will then go back to the judge who will then either move forward and pass us in court, or ???

So I still have no feel for when...but I do know what is happening. It could mean that I could here something as soon as Friday, but I am thinking more like next week.

Regardless, what I do know, is that God is on His throne, already knows and I will find out when the time is right. :)

So....this long and winding road maybe ending up in a field of daisies pretty soon. He knows!

ugh

almost 7 days...

I hate the fact that I feel guilty even asking for news or communication.

Whats up, when...

I sit and assume, if there was news someone would tell me....

so what in the world good does asking do?

or whining.... complaining.....

my current memory verse is:

Do everything without complaining or arguing...... (Complaining leads to arguing, I think.)

so does that apply to doing nothing too? Do nothing without complaining too.

Ok, whine session over. In a weak moment I guiltily sent that email asking for news.....

sigh....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS. Update: I should change this title from "ugh" to "oh".

So I did get a reply from my guilty inquiry. :) No big answer but more news:

"They didn't find them, MOWA asked us to give them a day or 2 before going to the head honcho of MOWA, .... This was today, Rahel and our other staff, including Shimeliss are all taking turns camping out at the MOWA offices to put some pressure on them. Shimeliss will let me know first thing in the morning what they say tomorrow."

So a baby step forward....something is happening.

I appreciate any prayers. I know I should be patient. I know I am not traveling right after I pass, not in the four weeks...which is a whole other post. So I should just be patient.

A Glimmer of Hope

Let's widen the scope a bit. Reading the blogs of some other families adopting from Ethiopia, I came across this video from Courtney's blog: http://ericksonpartyofsix.blogspot.com/

It is just what the title claims: A glimmer of hope. http://www.aglimmerofhope.org/ It got me thinking about projects....and giving back to the countries that gave me my children. Perhaps something that my family can do to give back to China, to Ethiopia, to America. I want to pray about it and think about it...what would God have us do, to make a difference. One thing that Courtney said, that I love is:

http://www.aglimmerofhope.org/

So unnerving....looking for that email...

So every day, including last Thursday, each morning, I go look at my email to see if I have that "magical" message from Hope Adoptions that gives me ANY NEWS.

I know, in the back of my mind, I think the news could even be, you passed court today.... more like, news that this is what is happening, and here is your next date.

It is so unnerving to not only not know anything, but to not have any clue when I could know something. Will I know anything one day this week, or will it be 10 weeks from now before I know anything? That is wearisome.

I can tell my heart is withdrawing. Not from Mame, but from the anticipation and the excitement of the wait. You can only have so many cliffhangers before you are no longer on the edge of your seat, biting your nails to find out what is next. That heightened tension is wearing.

It kind of makes me sad. For both my sons, coming to my family biologically, I kind of knew within a month, when the excitement would happen. With Mary and China, I had a date and knew that is when I would go and bring her home.

With Mame, I have had three dates, each two months apart, each failed and now, I know nothing. I know this too will pass.

Waiting...

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the landof the living.

Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart....

and wait for the Lord.

-Ps 27 13-14

Commit to the Lord whatever you do...The Lord works out everything for His own ends.

-Pro 16:34

No news.

I am waiting on the Lord.

There is purpose in the wait, or He would not allow it.

I am off to chaperone a field trip of 22 5th graders to see a play of Swiss Family Robinson. Now how fun is that?!

Hold Fast....

Recognize that picture? From the Master and Commander: Far Side of the World. {I love that movie}.

Well the true Master and Commander is telling me to Hold Fast.

I weakened and whined for a few minutes this am, but am holding fast. I did not pass court today....BUT my case is still open....

So I could pass in the next few days.... My file was lost at MOWA, and they are trying to find it. They can use a copy, if the judge agrees, if it cannot be found. So rather than putting our case at the back of the line with a court date in late May, we are being held open, with a couple other families....

So, it may be just a short setback....

Holding fast.

It is tomorrow...

It is tomorrow in Ethiopia right now. 1:30 in the morning. 7 or 8 hours until courts open.

I again have a night of wondering...

And a butterflies in the tummy morning as I am scared to check my email. Will Feb 26th be the day?


Bless you Mame, as you sleep....

Some good news, some bad news and who knows....

{The Roar roller coaster banks around a turn in Six Flags Marine Park in Vallejo, California.}

Some good news today, the two of the other families that failed court last time, when Mame failed, passed today! Yea! Tammie and Grace both got good news on being new momma's today.

Sad news, another dear family, failed court for the third time. ....gulp....so sad.

Others have been waiting weeks and weeks just to hear when their court date IS, once they file for a date. What use to be 10 days to hear, is closer to 10 weeks, with court dates 10 weeks or so after that.

Which pretty much means, you cannot count on or plan for anything...

SO I have no clue or feeling if we will pass court a week from today. And if we don't I have no clue if my next date will be two months from now, or four months from now.

In other words....:) I know nothing. And, I have still let it go. I think it is hard for folks not close to the adoption process, when they ask me, how is it going, when is Mame's court date, when will you bring her home...and I share a bit, third court date, or who knows, if this, then when, but if that, then another time. They look at me with this glazed, confused look in their eyes...like how can this be.

It just is.

So, God knows just when. I truly feel it is not a matter of "if", it is just a matter of "when". And God is the king of When. His timing is perfect, whether we see the reason for it or not.

So...7 days from today, I will know something....which will either be rejoicing, or waiting some more knowing nothing.

MY God is good, and no plan of His can be thwarted. I pray for His will in all, His timing and His sovereignty.

It's a page turner...

Been quiet,

waiting as the calendar pages turn....

It'll happen, when it happens.

{Feb 26th ...a week and a day away}

Concerned...

Today I am concerned about Mame's best friend Wubitu and her little brother, Henery. Their court date was today, Ethiopia is 9 hours ahead, and I have heard no news from their momma-to-be. Often I interpret silence as something is wrong, since that is the way I operate.

If it is, I know how hard it is to not pass court after waiting sooooooo long and having so much anticipation. I cried each time. The second time even more. I was SO sure, it would happen. Yet, each time the delay has worked out to be best. Our God is sovereign and wise, orchestrating things we do not even know or understand.

It is hard to wait.

Please pray for Wubitu and Henery, who have no clue of today's signifigance, and for Kim and her husband...whether good news or sad.

I cannot wait, until the day that Mame, Wubitu, Henery, K and D are ALLLL home and we get to see a joyous reunion in Disneyland! It will happen, with camera's snappin'!

What were your milestones?

Milestone: a significant point in development, a marker in a journey.

This pictures is of a Roman milestone. A wall was built around this ancient milestone in the city of Rome. "The Romans mapped property boundaries, towns, roads, and journeys, using cartography to administer their far-flung empire."

Can you think of any milestones over this past year?

For Mary Beth, it was losing her first tooth, (and the tooth fairy forgetting to put her money under the pillow, to be reminded by Nick in the morning.) Kindergarten was another milestone, her first school backpack.

For Tadpole, learning to ride a two-wheel bike without training wheels was a biggie and getting his first report card with all A's and B's, getting awarded Ranger of the year.

Nick was his first sleep-away camp, his first basketball team, finally winning the spelling bee.

Me....hmmm. not sure, but I know there were some there, the biggest was accepting my referral for Olivia Mame.

Think of this, another family, one year home with their two children adopted from Ethiopia, were told by their oldest boy that "every year since he was 5, someone had died. " Like this dear mother, I cannot imagine that. Living with that.

My son fell apart when his pet catapillar died. Seriously. Can you imagine the milestone or memory you measure with being who had died and who was living? So so sad. Such a perspective changer. Makes most of my complaints seem rathr wimpy.

One Trip...after all.

16 days until Mame's court date, trois, (does that mean three in French?) It would be awesome to pass this time, but it is odd, I just keep setting my mind up not to pass. Is that the shell coming on?

If we don't pass, it may be May or later before our next court date, as some families right now are being assigned a court date of end of April. As in everything all along, I surrender this to God. He knows the best time to bring Mame into our family.

So, there will be only one trip.

It was very hard to make this decision, but the decision is made. We will be adopting Mame, only.

I am praying for the family that will take Hanna as a referral, whoever they are, God already knows that, and I am hoping I get the chance to chat with them and see their joy in accepting her.

For us, for sooooo many reasons, Mame as one addition is best.

So we look forward to the rest of this journey and trust in God who is sovereign.

A Name....

I was thinking about Olivia....Mame.... For a year now we have called her Olivia, around here, and she does not know that name, does not know we call her that. I noticed recently, I call her Mame a lot. For a couple reasons, one I just did without realizing it, but second, I wanted the kids and my parents to become familiar with that name, in case Mame does not like the name Olivia.

When I adopted Mary Elisabeth, her name was Wu, Qing, (Ching)...but they called her "Char". So she was not familiar with her legal name at all, and was a month shy of 3 years old. Her transition to Mary Beth was fairly easy, although she loves being called "Princess Qing Qing". :)

Mame is quite a bit older, and we will have a BIG language challenge to work through. How do I even explain to her, that I would like to add-to her name, the name Olivia? Like Mary, she will come to use with nothing other than the clothes she has on, her memories and her name...

The challenge with "Mame" (currently pronounced Muh-may) is that most people will have no clue on how to pronounce it, if they just see it written, like at school etc. I am hoping she will feel good about having Olivia as her first name and Mame as her middle name.

I know many families change their names altogether, and many do not change them at all.... Some have let their children pick a new name. :)

Olivia has some signifigance with us. Prior to adopting even Mary, Tadpole had a dream he said of his little sister we would be adopting and she looked just like Olivia in his preschool class, (yes that many years ago). Fastfoward a few years, and when I was thinking of adopting from Ethiopia, I found this picture of this 16 year old sister and her little infant sister. Both orphans. Their names? Sandra and Olivia. So Olivia has just sorta stuck.

We will see what she thinks.

I wonder what she will think.

Decisions...

I am doing this Bible Study on Esther by Beth Moore. One of the weeks lessons talks about decisions, and how we sometimes avoid them.

Decisions can come with a lot of fears. If I decide this thing, I go down one path and if I go down the other, a different future. And when the decision is not a matter of right or wrong, but right or different right...,

It is so hard to decide.

Then their are times, when you have decided, and are just not ready to focus on it or admit it, that you have decided.

Faith is this foggy thing, where you do not see crystal clear, and need to step out believing anyway. Make a decision without knowing 100% (50%) which way is the way God wants us to take. I hear of folks that get crystal clear answers, divine sparkles of instruction. I do not get that. I often get these surprizing encouragements or perspective clearing reminders, but not the clear "Choose A, not B" type interventions. I wish I did. I think.

So my heart is in the right place, and I am not scared of the hard or the unusual path, so it is not avoidance. If God said, "walk this way, down this path" I would.

But He is not saying, at least not yet, at least I am not hearing. and my path is already often hard and often unusual. And my heart, at times is bigger than the state of Texas....and sad to say at other times hard and worn out. :(

So, like Esther, I am in this place, at this time, with these responsibilities and God is providential and working, even when I do not see it.

So I am simmering a decision....perhaps I will get clarity later this week, or perhaps I already have it and am not ready to share it. I think the latter is probably true.

If "A" then God will be with us, if "B" then, again, God will be with us.

But an eternity is still impacted. several eternities, by my decision...

Two Trips....

It looks like I will be making two trips to Ethiopia. Who knows how many months apart. I don't know what all this will mean as far as paperwork and cost. I am hoping there will be no changes in paperwork, and the additional cost that would entail.

The positive side, is I can focus on Mame, and she can transition into our family, start school, get situated adjust some, then we can focus on Hanna. Each getting a little more personal attention.

With the added expense of a second trip (and maybe even the cost of having to re-do some paperwork, etc), I will have to be smarter with my money, save more.

I know God has his purpose and timing...I SO want to listen and just REST in Him. SO often, in many things in life, I think, God why didn't you just do it THIS way. (ie, my way that I have all figured out.). I picture Him grinning at me, and thinking, "Child, I have it worked out, just trust me."

I want to. I do trust you, help my doubt or wavering. SO Mame's court date is 23 days away, this is the third time. SO maybe she will pass and I will be making a trip in late March!

-------------------------------

PS. More news just in. There is a high likelihood that Mame may not pass court this time either, on Feb 26th. There is a person they have to locate, who has to be present in court for her to pass. They cannot locate him. His only number is a cell phone, and it is no longer in service. They are trying to find him. I would love any prayers you would offer, that God would open the way and have Mame pass court this time. Again, I surrender, God's will and timing be done.

This too will pass...

I have discovered, again and again, that God is truly providential, in control, and very smart. His timing is the best, regardless of whether I think it is or not.

There is a song with the phrase, I think based on a verse, that says:

We have an anchor beyond the veil.

Heb 6:19 This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil...

And, although the veil is talking about the holy of holies, and the mystery there, the presence of God. ...the same holds true of the mystery of our future, of what is to come and when. The future is veiled to us, yet already fully known by God. And although veiled, we have an anchor, beyond that veil, beyond that unknown, in God. My God who loves and cares and orchestrates my present, is also in my future and orchestrating that as well.

So with an anchor beyond the veil, I hold on. This time of uncertainty and weariness will pass.....

Wearing thin...

There comes a point, where you are tired of talking about it, planning for it, waiting on it, even give up fretting ...all the stuff...just wears thin. You just want to move on with your life and start it.

Yet, I know God's timing is perfect. I am concerned that I know nothing about Hanna, do not know where she is (other than "Nezret compound", when she will move, how she is being cared for. No way to send her pictures, no one going, goes there. Is she still there is she ok?

When she sees my scrapbook of 150 pictures of Olivia and one 1 of her, will she think I did not care. :( How do you scrap 1 picture?

Ok, I know that is a silly stupid thing to fret over, but I am wearing thin of all the time, all the questions...nothing to say, nothing to update....

Some day it will happy.