I had a little giggle.....

I had a little giggle yesterday....as I realized something.

Something I must have known, but did not admit? Not even to myself. Because once I said the thought, in my mind, it locked in like a missing puzzle piece. Like it was there all along, unnoticed.

As I read some responses to my "Surely Not" post, and read once again, Linny's great post on other's reactions to adopting, or adopting again....

I got this little giggle, way down deep in my tummy/heart....

...a secret thrill.

The giggle came from the fact that I realize, ....
as I wait for Olivia, confident she will join us early in 2010, after our long wait
as I tighten the belt and watch our budget tightly
as I pray and ponder over each of my precious children's individual challenges
as I struggle over my own spiritual growth
as I juggle schedules and field trips and home work
as I make Christmas, rather than buy Christmas
as large birthday parties have been replaced with small family celebrations
as I wonder how God can think I am enough, as their parent
as I know too well any providing I do, is by the Grace and provision of God
as I feel my body aging, and see it in the mirror
as I look back into other eyes that shake their head in confusion about me
as I have yet to find the meal, that all mouths will praise {and eat}

I realize {admit what my heart already knows}
that I will adopt...... again. {Lord providing}

And my heart swells and my soul giggles. With a secret Madonna-smile on my lips, I ponder these things in my heart.

I know all the logical protests. I live them.
I know the just-don't-get-it puzzlements. I see them.
I know that without the grace of God we will never make it. I embrace it.

I know I will adopt again and it makes me giggly, happy.
Don't know when, don't know who, don't know how. But I know why...

James 1:27 clearly states: Pure religion in the sight of God is to care for the orphan and widow, and my heart wants to. Was born to. Finds joy in it.

And those who get it, giggle with me.
The rest of you, pray for us! :)