.....

Merry Christmas, Baby girl....

surely next year...... surely.

Jubilee.....

"...a little girl without a family for almost 8 years now has a family that will love her forever!." Precious Jubilee, after 600 days of wait and what looked like a closed door, has just met her momma....

There is rejoicing in heaven...and here too.... Congratulations Linny, Jubilee and family!

You give me hope and spur me on. You lift me up and inspire me when my spirit is dragging...

And Kat...your comment yesterday....thank you...bless you....your prayers mean more than you know. Thank you.

A message of Hope and Miracles...

The message at church today was about hope and miracles and praying for your own miracle. I prayed for Mame.....and my kids.....

I truly want to believe in a miracle....even after all this time. God's timing I cannot understand. I feel so urgent. As days, weeks, months, years pass...I feel..God how can THIS timing be right, as we all get older?

Most people have stopped asking.

Those that do, ask hesitantly.

Or they assume the worse. I have had two folks in the past month say something like, I don't think she is coming home. Or "they" are doing something wrong. (ie corrupt). Like how in the world could I keep hoping and believing?

Sad words

sad looks

There is no way I could explain to someone not in this journey how it could ever take this long. How we can wait month after month after month for a piece of paper, knowing nothing, yet still believing.

Our enemy does not want my daughter in a family. Does not want any of these children adopted. But what he has planned for ruin, God has planned for good. I don't know why He has allowed it to go on this long. I don't know why it is has come to this. But I don't for a minute believe that God does not want me to adopt Mame. He is all about the orphan and families.

Something so hard (and so long) just makes all the minor stuff so very very minor. .....

So sad looks, sad words..... I can handle it. One day this sadness will turn to joy, I believe that. Lord, I do believe that.

sad face...

i saw new pictures of my girl today.... and she has a sad face.....no hopeful, not smiling for the camera...

ah dear one, I know how hard it is to keep hoping, believing..... sometimes I sit and see it has been two years since i started this journey, and I just cannot believe it. it is unreal. your little sister has grown from 4 to 6, your big brothers from 7 and 9 to 9 and 11..... a lot of living in two years.....and a lot of longing. Its not fun waiting anymore, as if it ever was. But I use to get excited with photos and excited with trip reports and excited to look at my email and hope for news...

now it all makes me sad.....

God is close to the brokenhearted..... hold on sweet one, joy cometh.

More Hoops.......sigh...

yea, I know...it's small potatoes...but it seems like every time I think I am done, there is something else to do.

I am getting my home study updated. I have done everything the agency requires, and I sent my app with the requirements listed into the USCIS office.

I got a letter today, from the USCIS office that, of course there are MORE hoops to jump...even though they did not include it on the list of things is said I needed to send it to them, before.

sigh... so now more paper chasing. They want three things....one of which I don't remember how I get it.

Sigh..

weary of it all...but she is worth it.

Three Christmas Gifts....for Mame

Dear sweet daughter, not yet mine,

I cannot give you presents, at leatst not now, not the normal kind. Oh I do have for you a dolly, I have been saving since last year, and drawers full of clothes you keep outgrowing, without one tag taken off. Your growing little sister has enjoyed the "hand me downs". I have some books and hair bows and clips and pjs and robe.

But all of those will have to wait.

This Christmas, I have three OTHER gifts I am giving you....

Faith, Hope and Love.

Faith, in God our Abba, our daddy, who sees you, knows your heart, has good plans for you, for your future and is preparing a place for you, a family for you, love for you, that you do not know. Faith, because I know HE knows the timing and the exact moment when my hands will touch your face for the first time. I hold on to that faith in Him, for you...

Hope, that even when it looks darkest, longest, most overwhelming, to know how our God works and to hope in Him. To know we are on the edge of triumph and great joy. That those who sow in tears will reap in joy..and joy cometh in the morning...any morning now... I keep my Hope running bright, for you. And for "Hope", the place you have lived these past twenty-two months. For those who have fed you and clothed you and taught you in school. For the friendships and care.

Love, that I love you, when I have never yet met you. And that your brothers and sisters love you to. That we all know this love will grow, when we are united as a family. That we know our loving heavenly Father, Abba, is pouring out His love into our hearts and into yours. ...and we can love each other, because He first loved us....

Love is patient....

So I take these three gifts for you, faith, hope and love, and I wrap them all up in prayer and send them off for you.

Merry Christmas, dear Mame.... hold on yet a while longer.

Momma.

Check, check, check....

doctor visits - check
lab tests - check
medical reports - check
home visits - check
employment verifications - check
friend referrals - check
forms, forms, forms - check - check - check
three school teacher letters, - check
copies of birth certificates, government forms, applications, drs license, insurance cards, registrations...... - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check - check
fingerprints.... - check

Today I finished the last item I needed to do or collect for our homestudy update. Since it is over 18 months since the first one, it had to be done again. :(

All done, but the money. It is hard to find a big chunk of ..well not change...paperstuff...during this Christmas month. Praying the Lord will provide and help me squeeze it out through the cracks.

sigh....pray Mame goes to court SOOON and we pass....it is time, dear Lord, isn't it?

Hungry for hope......

ps. Note to self: There is nothing new that God did not already know, at the time I started this journey. He saw and knew it all in advance...and had it planned for. Hold fast!
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Last night, after a battle of flesh and spirit, my son, hungry for hope, asked me to read from a christian book we are reading together :How to make Brothers and Sisters Best Friends"? He was hungry for hope....and in the middle of discouragement and despair, was longing for a glimmer that things could be different....

We are all hungry for hope....as we wait on God.

Giving voice.....

....to our children....orphan or not.... Making them feel safe, loved, cared for heard...through giving them a voice to speak. Directing them to use good words, but helping them understand you are listening. Also nuturing the caregiver...momma or whoever... In Beyond Logic, Consequences and Control, one concept that keeps coming back to me, reproving its validity, is that the adult/parent in the situation has their own brokenness and needs healing, otherwise we react from our own pain.

Dr. Karyn Purvis on Giving Voice:

The Importance of Giving Voice to Children from Tapestry on Vimeo.