It must be love....

March 27th 2008 is when I recieved my referral for Mame. Was told most adoptions in Ethiopia are completed in 6 months. With all the hoops and paperwork (and money) and delays and failed court dates and changes in personnel and changes in policy and courts and law and .....

all of it...much more I won't mention here.... I am surprized in a way that I am still here. That the proverbial towel has not hit the floor and the fighter stumbled away.

But I am. Like I am with my children I already have at home, I am in love with my child and you take whatever comes. Doesn't mean you don't feel and reel from each punch, each blow, each gasp for breath as the air has been knocked out of you again..... It is hard to keep a sense of excited, frenzy, after 18 months of waiting and no end in sight. It is hard to get hopeful about any evaporating droplet of news.... (usually isn't any)... and when personnel changes once again, I get scared.

Will the "new folks" care about my daughter? Will the understand the urgency of her paperwork in the mountain of others? Will they take any personal, push it through action?

So fear stirs in my airless belly.

But then, I remember....

When I am afraid, I trust in God. He is my hope and Mame's. He is never suprized or sucker-punched. So I trust, pray and trust...and ache.

It must be love....

Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control..

I am halfway through this book, after staying up to 1 am last night reading...and then a couple hours this morning.

It is profoundly resonating with me, as Karyn Purvis The Connected Child book (and her videos) did.

I feel the two really compliment each other. I have yet to apply my learning, but just the understanding alone is turning the light on my darkness of confusion, hopelessness and frustration.

I believe God works in so many ways in our lives, and a book is often one of his big ways in mine.

I felt so saddened and frustrated last week, when I tried to share with a teacher how a child with attachment challenges or who has come from "the hard places" (Karyn Purvis' term) reacts and handles correction differently, and their behavior challenges come from different motives.

I received no affirmation or even willingness that perhaps that could be true and just the response of "Well I don't know about that. All I know is the Bible and it says Children Obey."

It saddened me. Of course the Bible is full of wisdom and the very principles in this book and in the Connected Child are dripping with the gentleness, love, compassion, grace and understanding of Jesus. It feels like, with children, we often put them under the old testament law, versus the message of grace.

If we as adults cannot live under the law, if WE do what we don't want to do and don't do what we want, then why do we expect little souls to be successful under the law, rather than grace? Because it is easier, for us. It is black and white and clear and this equals that.

yet, hearts and little souls are not that cut and dry.

What I am praying now, as I learn things from this book, is not only how to apply that at home, in our family, but how I can help my children's teachers open up to what would encourage and reinforce connection and relationship, versus what would trigger fear and stress responses. It is not easy being a teacher, I know. It is not easy being a momma. And it really is not easy being a little child "from the hard places."

I highly recommend this book..for all adoptive parents, but I am also seeing in my other two, who have experienced the trauma of a divorce, abandonment, etc....it applies to them as well.

One pair of shoes...

This is so beautiful......(thanks Cris for sharing it)

Children from Hard Places: What Everyone Needs to Know

This comes from Empowered to Connect... thought I would share:

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“Children from Hard Places.” This is the phrase used by Dr. Purvis and others to describe children that have experienced some type of abuse, neglect or trauma during their lives (including prenatal exposure to substances or high levels stress, difficult labor or birth before or medical trauma). Obviously, this phrase applies to most children who were adopted or spent time in foster care.
Our focus for these children must always be clear: to help them heal and become whole in body, mind and spirit. This is done not by focusing on achieving “good behavior,” but by helping our children create strong connections built on trust. Out of this can grow not only “good behavior,” but so many other things that our children need and that we desire for them. By balancing structure with nurture and always remaining mindful of the inherent preciousness of each and every child, we have the opportunity to help our children realize dramatic strides and in the process discover (and re-discover) the joy in parenting.
In this presentation (from April 2009 at Summit V, hosted by the Christian Alliance for Orphans), Dr. Karyn Purvis talks about what everyone needs to know about children from hard places – and how we can go about creating and fostering strong and lasting connections to help them heal and grow.
audio recording of this presentation (mp3 file)
This posting includes an audio/video/photo media file: Download Now

A new Ethiopia Ocean???

"A 35-mile rift in the desert of Ethiopia will likely become a new ocean eventually, researchers now confirm. "

The crack, 20 feet wide in spots, opened in 2005 and some geologists believed then that it would spawn a new ocean. But that view was controversial, and the rift had not been well studied. " Read more here.

Derartu Tulu wins NYC Marathon

Ethiopian mother of 6 wins the NYC marathon!