Sunday, November 15, 2009

Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control..

I am halfway through this book, after staying up to 1 am last night reading...and then a couple hours this morning.

It is profoundly resonating with me, as Karyn Purvis The Connected Child book (and her videos) did.

I feel the two really compliment each other. I have yet to apply my learning, but just the understanding alone is turning the light on my darkness of confusion, hopelessness and frustration.

I believe God works in so many ways in our lives, and a book is often one of his big ways in mine.

I felt so saddened and frustrated last week, when I tried to share with a teacher how a child with attachment challenges or who has come from "the hard places" (Karyn Purvis' term) reacts and handles correction differently, and their behavior challenges come from different motives.

I received no affirmation or even willingness that perhaps that could be true and just the response of "Well I don't know about that. All I know is the Bible and it says Children Obey."

It saddened me. Of course the Bible is full of wisdom and the very principles in this book and in the Connected Child are dripping with the gentleness, love, compassion, grace and understanding of Jesus. It feels like, with children, we often put them under the old testament law, versus the message of grace.

If we as adults cannot live under the law, if WE do what we don't want to do and don't do what we want, then why do we expect little souls to be successful under the law, rather than grace? Because it is easier, for us. It is black and white and clear and this equals that.

yet, hearts and little souls are not that cut and dry.

What I am praying now, as I learn things from this book, is not only how to apply that at home, in our family, but how I can help my children's teachers open up to what would encourage and reinforce connection and relationship, versus what would trigger fear and stress responses. It is not easy being a teacher, I know. It is not easy being a momma. And it really is not easy being a little child "from the hard places."

I highly recommend this book..for all adoptive parents, but I am also seeing in my other two, who have experienced the trauma of a divorce, abandonment, applies to them as well.

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