Dark night....

Yes....waiting in the dark is hard. Many days I am ok, and do fine....some days are harder though...and I finally break down and email or call, what's up.

I did that today...

And I have mixed feelings and am upset, but still why be upset, God is in control, even when it seems like it is all messed up. I have to trust Him.

I found out what I was told before is not true. :( I hate that. I hate mixed communication. I know with so many cases, it is hard, etc etc. But to me, it is us and this little girl and it is not so many, it is personal.

I found out that MOWA was NOT told to make an immediate recommendation on March 12th, like I was told they were. So all along I have been waiting on something that was not true and so confused on how an immediate recommendation could take 20 days! And why the other two families got their immediate recommendation and I did not. :(

I found out my lost file was found. Not sure when, guess that doesn't matter. I am still sitting open, pending.

I found out the same old issue is the issue that is holding me up. That they are trying to find the uncle that relinquished Olivia and I guess they have not been able to find him. That was the same issue back in January, on that court date. So they still are trying? Still can't find him.

I found out, at the same time that they are trying to locate him, they have filed paperwork to change her status to abandoned, since they cannot find him. And that paperwork can take ????? no one knows how long. They think shorter than a month, but no news on when it was actually filed or how long it actually takes.

So I am not sure if I really know anything? I guess I do. I know what it is not. And I know what they are doing.

So do I feel better?

Not really. I cried. Out of frustration, dissappointment, and just heart ache sadness.

I think I will stop eargerly checking my email every morning. And stop making this plan or that plan for the summer. The only reassurance I got was that they should be through before court closes. COURT CLOSES in AUGUST!!!!!!

Father, you know this...you know all this and more! Although I do not understand why, I do believe you are loving, and powerful and fully in charge. I have prayed and asked, so it is not I have not because I ask not. So there is some other reason that YOU KNOW the timing would be better later than sooner...so again I surrender my will. Not my will but yours.