Thursday, April 30, 2009

A call to prayer...

There is patience and there is also prayer. Please help me pray Mame through the courts.

Our battle is not against flesh and blood but against rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

2 Corinthians 10:4For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;

If you are a praying person, please, truly, join with me in prayer to bring her home.... I would love for you to post a prayer her in the comments section. If you pray the word, please pray it on her behalf.

Matthew 18:19"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.Matthew 18:18-20

James 5:16The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
You are an awesome God, powerful and loving. And you DO reign over all courts, powers, people and things. I ask for your powerful hand to reach out on Mame's behalf. Stop any work of our enemy, and open the doors to move her case to resolution. I pray you will protect her body, heart, and soul and you will bring a favorable decision now. You are our compassionate Father and ruling King. You love the orphan and you put the lonely in families. Now is the time Abba, I am pleading, now is the time. I am asking you move in such a way that your glory will spread around your works. Bring Mame home....and bring Wubitu and Henery home too. I ask the same for them, a favorable result on Monday.
By the love and sacrifice of Jesus, who purchased the price for us to plead boldly at the foot of your throne. We love you. We need you. Amen.

Melissa refreshed my perspective.....

I am done whining. :)

I needed a perspective adjustment, and Melissa was just the person to give it to me!

Melissa's Blog

Thank you Lord~

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The substance of waiting.....

It is so hard to wait, isn't it? Even harder when you do not know how long the wait is and where your progress is along that "wait line".
I load a program on my computer, or surf off to a website and I get little blue or green lines showing my progress. The only reason these show up it for MY benefit to feel like progress is being made and the wait will soon be over.
My adoption experience this time around, is not like this. I do not remember a wait like this for anything else in my life. Ever. Even my last adoption, take two years, I did not have a wait like this. Each time a had a milestone up ahead with a date and timeframe tied to it and it happened when it was scheduled to happen. My biggest wait was waiting the two months for approval from China...but they said it would take two months and it did!! It took two months.
I am finding myself becoming ..... what? cynical? or maybe more skeptical. Where cynical doubts motives, skeptical suspends judgement due to doubt.
I don't doubt motives. I believe the motives are good. I am becoming a skeptic. I am suspending not just judgement, but joy.
Someone announces a court date and is happy. I keep quiet. :( My skeptic mind thinks, that doesn't mean anything. You could have 7 court dates and be no closer. (Yea, I know, ugly, huh? Or you could have one and breeze through.) I scoff internally as someone plans a potential date to travel, when they don't even have a court date yet.
I HATE that about myself. SO I keep quiet. I have quit talking about it. Quit talking about adoption, or my daughter or the process. Quit asking about how my case is going.... (trying hard, I ask about every two weeks now...but even that is dwindling). Quit probing for information.
Quit planning on this summer and trying to losely sketch in plans.... and that part makes me cry.
And all that resounds in my mind and heart is WHY??!!!! Why can't someone take the 20 minutes to look in my file tell me where along the route this illusive piece of paper is and let me know? Why must this case get bounced out of court three times and just hang here? Why Mame? Why is this one the one sitting open at court going on 61 days now?
See why I don't talk? She why I try to just ignore that I am in the middle of this process?
And what is so odd about all this.... is I do trust in God. I do know He knows. I do know He has plans. I do know He says "Wait on me", and I do know He has reasons I will never fathom and even some reasons I can get a peek at.
I know that. And many days, most days, that trust and faith is the substance of my waiting.... and I am ok.
And then, some days, like today, I rail against my blank waiting line....and feel the edges of my soul get grouchy. On those days, He loves me just the same, He loves Mame just the same, His plan is still unfolding....and maybe, He hugs me a little tighter.
Like Hannah, I am praying from my heart for my child. I do not want to get bitterness of soul. Lord, keep me from it.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Sitting Open...

Open: 1: having no enclosing or confining barrier : accessible on all or nearly all sides 2 a (1): being in a position or adjustment to permit passage : not shut or locked (2): having a barrier so adjusted as to allow passage b: having the lips parted c: not buttoned or zipped

Court: conduct or attention intended to win favor

No news.... I am still sitting "open at court"

No barrier, win favor, permit passage, mouth wide open!!! Say YES! Tomorrow would be the right day to say YES!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Curly Q

I got a picture today, from another returning mommy... I just love Mame's lovely, curly hair!
Can't show you her, but here is part of her hair!

Monday, April 13, 2009


Sitting with an open court date, when it feels like everyone else has a specific court date (and I know from experience, a specific court date does not have any more assurance of when you will pass court....since I have had three specific court dates) ...makes you special. :)

So, here are my thoughts on it, (as if you wanted!)

Since I have been sitting with an open court since Feb 26, here is what makes it special:) :

-I have some paperwork that needs to get done. If I did not have an open courtdate, then when the paperwork is finally done, I would have to wait anadditional 4 to 8 weeks for a court date....this way when it is done, I go to court that week.

-I get to deepen my trust and faith and hope in God and His timing and plan for our lives.

-I get to live spontaneously with all summer plans up in the air. (lol..notlikey this one so much).

-I get to resist buying all those cute little girl spring clothes, because Imight need summer clothes instead, or heaven forbid fall clothes, and I don'tknow what her size will be.

-I get to be in the silent background, when court dates are prayed over and expected with bated breath.

-I get to wonder what is going on a lot.

-I get to be totally surprized one day....

-I get to go through all these emotions and eat lots and lots of chocolate. (and that is really healthy for you...check here:

SO it is special...just not in the way I thought, like oh it is going to happen really really soon. :(

On the note of totally surprized one day....go see how Jacelyn was surprized TODAY! She has been sitting with an open court since Feb 26th, just like me....and her wait has been longer.

On the not of wondering what is going on a lot, here is the update from today:

"I found out today that MOWA has two of their staff members out for training lastcouple of weeks. They are short staffed, of course, and are not able toaccommodate any of the open cases until the staff members return. I don't know when they return."

Thursday, April 9, 2009

When does waiting become forgetting......

Somedays.....I forget that I am waiting. :(

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Untroubled and Undisturbed...

And the God of peace {wholeness, untroubled and undisturbed well-being} will be with you.

Phil 4:9b (Amplifed Version)

You are a hinding place for surround me with songs and shouts of deliverance.

Psalm 32:7

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time {in due time} we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Gal 6:9

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Dark night....

Yes....waiting in the dark is hard. Many days I am ok, and do fine....some days are harder though...and I finally break down and email or call, what's up.

I did that today...

And I have mixed feelings and am upset, but still why be upset, God is in control, even when it seems like it is all messed up. I have to trust Him.

I found out what I was told before is not true. :( I hate that. I hate mixed communication. I know with so many cases, it is hard, etc etc. But to me, it is us and this little girl and it is not so many, it is personal.

I found out that MOWA was NOT told to make an immediate recommendation on March 12th, like I was told they were. So all along I have been waiting on something that was not true and so confused on how an immediate recommendation could take 20 days! And why the other two families got their immediate recommendation and I did not. :(

I found out my lost file was found. Not sure when, guess that doesn't matter. I am still sitting open, pending.

I found out the same old issue is the issue that is holding me up. That they are trying to find the uncle that relinquished Olivia and I guess they have not been able to find him. That was the same issue back in January, on that court date. So they still are trying? Still can't find him.

I found out, at the same time that they are trying to locate him, they have filed paperwork to change her status to abandoned, since they cannot find him. And that paperwork can take ????? no one knows how long. They think shorter than a month, but no news on when it was actually filed or how long it actually takes.
So I am not sure if I really know anything? I guess I do. I know what it is not. And I know what they are doing.
So do I feel better?
Not really. I cried. Out of frustration, dissappointment, and just heart ache sadness.
I think I will stop eargerly checking my email every morning. And stop making this plan or that plan for the summer. The only reassurance I got was that they should be through before court closes. COURT CLOSES in AUGUST!!!!!!

Father, you know know all this and more! Although I do not understand why, I do believe you are loving, and powerful and fully in charge. I have prayed and asked, so it is not I have not because I ask not. So there is some other reason that YOU KNOW the timing would be better later than again I surrender my will. Not my will but yours.