Sunday, January 27, 2008

Self Study

So I am in the process of writing out my self-study. A 20 page document, required by the homestudy agency, that is all about you and your past and your family and your life. Quite daunting. And I cannot write it all in one bite. Gotta chew the fat a bit.

I remember writing this last time around, in 2004, and it is interesting to answer these same questions 4 years later. And to see how God has blessed and changed us and filled our hearts more and our faith stronger (and our waistline...well let's stop there. ) Last time it was really hard, because I had not written down on paper, causing me to grapple with, all the things in my past that have made me who I am today. It was quite a cleansing process. And well named, "self-study". I learned so much about God's grace and forgiveness and forgiving myself, and that God has plans and knows all along the route we take.

So this time around, I thought it would be slam-dunk. A few edits and updates to the old one and off we go.

Beep! Wrong. :)

It is not as hard, or painful, but it is insightful. And it is great to see how God has matured my little family. When I wrote before, I was 1 year out of a divorce and still wound-licking, as were my little guys. Nowl 5 years settled into being a single mom, and 19 months with my daughter in our family. we have really jelled as a family and grown in our faith and trust in God. And enjoying our life.

That is good. Sometimes I feel I am learining and growing in things God is teaching me and sometimes, I don't see the lesson or the opportunity until after I squawked in it! But then, even a squawk-through a test, is still a through, right? :)

So as I do this step in the process, I am relying on God, not my wisdom or words, to either open the door and keeps us going, or if He should choose, to close it, as hard as that would be, He is God and I am going to trust Him. After all, He loves us and He is wise.

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