I just love God. He is so caring. I was troubled, not doubting my intent to adopt, but wanting to be open to questions posed to me. Like others who walk with God and get a call to do something..."different" and then get hit with obstacles or at least a bumpy road, I too can either bully through and wait on God...
I asked God, still feeling peace over my adoption plans, if He would in some way that would mean something to me...He would know best, reconfirm to me that I was walking the path HE would have for me.
And then I just restfully sat that request at His feet, not knowing for sure what He would show me or when.
That very night He showed me not once, but twice.
First, I have been reading Stepping Heavenward, by Elizabeth Prentiss, written in 1869. That night I picked it up to read where left off. Katy, the main character, went with her children to spend the summer on a farm. She was talking to the farmer's wife, Mrs. Brown, about children. Katy had four. Mrs Brown none. Mrs. Brown said children were fine, if you could afford them, but that she was lving month to nmonth and trying to pay off her mortgage. Katy agreed their is worry and care of children, but that is only half of the tstory...that there is pure joy and delight as well. (How often am I smiling over my little ones and like Katy, as God works in me and I become more at rest in Him, less selfish and less upset over petty things - the more joy and delight I experience.)
Katy went on to say, suppose you do have nore money comin in and less going out and you pay off the wole mortgage...what then? (temporary concerns, is this my eternal calling to pay off a mortgage....) Who will enjoy it with you? Who willyou leve it to> Who will car for you when you are old? (grin)
Here is the clincher, she said:
"I want to see little children adorning every home as flowers adorn every meadow and every wayside. I want to see them welcomed to the homes they enter, see their parents grow less and less selfish and more and more loving because they have came. I want to see God's precious gifts accepted, not frowned upon and refused."
Later I was doing my Patriarch homework and reading about Abram and Sarai in Genesis...about following the path God sets for us. That He bless me and makes me "many".
So I am at peace and thankful to my Abba who reinforces the path He leads me on.