So much has transpired the last three days..... and God makes lemonade from lemons...
So a lemon, something sour, and although beneficial, not too tastey alone....but with the sugar of God's Spirit, it can be quite refreshing.
The little girl I thought might be our "Olivia", turned out not to be. She had been referred to another family and accepted. I praise God that she has a forever family. I pray it is a Christian family and that through this her eternity is changed.
So..although it may taste a little sour to me...it is sweet for her...and it truly is sweet for us too. Sweet to know she has a family, yes. Also sweet because of the work God did in me through this. A couple things:
First, as I thought about this girl and how our life would change, how it would work, I came to realize a 6 yr old would be a better fit into our family. What I was reluctant,at first to consider, thinking it my second or ?? choice, has ended up being my first choice. So God used this possible referral as a way to open that door.
The second is that I got really sick on Sunday with a headache. I HATE when that happens. When it does, I just shutdown, throw up, can't move...etc. I am so self-reliant and HATE to ask for help. But, alas, my son Nicholas insisted, and I realized I had to. A dear friend became my Florence Nightinggale. Donna came over, cooked the kids dinner, got them in their jammies, did laundry, dishes, even went to the grocery store to stock us up on a few things, then stayed until 11 pm until all were sleeping. How awesome was that. This really showed me how special her friendship is and how giving she is. She really is a big support to my little family. Thank you Donna.
The third thing is in being sick, way in the middle of the night, dark, sad, feeling sorry for myself, I started questioning the adoption. Life can be hard sometime and was I nuts, adding more complexity to it? In the night I went over again and again the pros of adopting and the pros of not adopting. And did not come up with an answer. There is good on both sides of the equation. But the bottom line I kept coming to was, what about her? What about this daughter out there who would not have us? And how would it change us to not have her? I knew I could not make any decisions when I was sick and emotionally down. I thought, when I feel better, I will write this all out to God and work it out...The best decision.
This morning, feeling better, not 100%, I prayed about it. By what seems serendipity, I viewed a utube video called Ethiopia Adoption, by a family called Avery. I cried. It just renewed again in my heart why I am on this journey. I felt sad in the video, there is a daddy in it that is SO into adopting his children, you can tell. And that is something we lack, something God knows I long for. But I do not see that in our life. Regardless, walking this road as a single parent, I realized again, why I am doing it. And yes, it will not always be easy, but it is right..for us.
Later in the day, I found out the little girl we had been sent information on was accepted by another family. God works in strange ways. Rather than making me second guess my fresh resolve, it just reinforced it. I am so happy she has a family. God knows why He did not choose ours, but no plan of His can be thwarted.
So we continue with the paperchase and wait on God. He is leading, we are following.
So a lemon, something sour, and although beneficial, not too tastey alone....but with the sugar of God's Spirit, it can be quite refreshing.
The little girl I thought might be our "Olivia", turned out not to be. She had been referred to another family and accepted. I praise God that she has a forever family. I pray it is a Christian family and that through this her eternity is changed.
So..although it may taste a little sour to me...it is sweet for her...and it truly is sweet for us too. Sweet to know she has a family, yes. Also sweet because of the work God did in me through this. A couple things:
First, as I thought about this girl and how our life would change, how it would work, I came to realize a 6 yr old would be a better fit into our family. What I was reluctant,at first to consider, thinking it my second or ?? choice, has ended up being my first choice. So God used this possible referral as a way to open that door.
The second is that I got really sick on Sunday with a headache. I HATE when that happens. When it does, I just shutdown, throw up, can't move...etc. I am so self-reliant and HATE to ask for help. But, alas, my son Nicholas insisted, and I realized I had to. A dear friend became my Florence Nightinggale. Donna came over, cooked the kids dinner, got them in their jammies, did laundry, dishes, even went to the grocery store to stock us up on a few things, then stayed until 11 pm until all were sleeping. How awesome was that. This really showed me how special her friendship is and how giving she is. She really is a big support to my little family. Thank you Donna.
The third thing is in being sick, way in the middle of the night, dark, sad, feeling sorry for myself, I started questioning the adoption. Life can be hard sometime and was I nuts, adding more complexity to it? In the night I went over again and again the pros of adopting and the pros of not adopting. And did not come up with an answer. There is good on both sides of the equation. But the bottom line I kept coming to was, what about her? What about this daughter out there who would not have us? And how would it change us to not have her? I knew I could not make any decisions when I was sick and emotionally down. I thought, when I feel better, I will write this all out to God and work it out...The best decision.
This morning, feeling better, not 100%, I prayed about it. By what seems serendipity, I viewed a utube video called Ethiopia Adoption, by a family called Avery. I cried. It just renewed again in my heart why I am on this journey. I felt sad in the video, there is a daddy in it that is SO into adopting his children, you can tell. And that is something we lack, something God knows I long for. But I do not see that in our life. Regardless, walking this road as a single parent, I realized again, why I am doing it. And yes, it will not always be easy, but it is right..for us.
Later in the day, I found out the little girl we had been sent information on was accepted by another family. God works in strange ways. Rather than making me second guess my fresh resolve, it just reinforced it. I am so happy she has a family. God knows why He did not choose ours, but no plan of His can be thwarted.
So we continue with the paperchase and wait on God. He is leading, we are following.
I so sorry for you. It is hard - we can relate. God is sovereign and He is so much greater than these hard circumstances. You have a great outlook!
ReplyDeleteThat all may know Him,
Joy
I can't wait for you to find "your Olivia'!
ReplyDeleteHi Sandee,
ReplyDeleteI saw your post on LPM's blog commenting on Beth's memories of the wedding. Beautiful words and pictures!
I noticed your picture and thought we might have some things in common. I read some of your blog and know that we have at least our children and our love for Beth Moore in common.
We have 2 boys (born to me, 11 and 8) and one daughter adopted from China who is 4.
We are also waiting for our second daughter, our LID is Feb 15, 2006. Her name will be Faith and we named her that before we knew we would be waiting over 2 years before she came home.
Hang in there, I am so glad you decided to adopt again and I know that God will bring to our families exactly who he planned for us before the foundation of the world. This knowing has sustained me througout our wait.
God Bless,
Janet