Tuesday, March 3, 2009

So unnerving....looking for that email...

So every day, including last Thursday, each morning, I go look at my email to see if I have that "magical" message from Hope Adoptions that gives me ANY NEWS.

I know, in the back of my mind, I think the news could even be, you passed court today.... more like, news that this is what is happening, and here is your next date.

It is so unnerving to not only not know anything, but to not have any clue when I could know something. Will I know anything one day this week, or will it be 10 weeks from now before I know anything? That is wearisome.

I can tell my heart is withdrawing. Not from Mame, but from the anticipation and the excitement of the wait. You can only have so many cliffhangers before you are no longer on the edge of your seat, biting your nails to find out what is next. That heightened tension is wearing.

It kind of makes me sad. For both my sons, coming to my family biologically, I kind of knew within a month, when the excitement would happen. With Mary and China, I had a date and knew that is when I would go and bring her home.

With Mame, I have had three dates, each two months apart, each failed and now, I know nothing. I know this too will pass.

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