Waiting...

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the landof the living.

Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart....

and wait for the Lord.

-Ps 27 13-14

Commit to the Lord whatever you do...The Lord works out everything for His own ends.

-Pro 16:34

No news.

I am waiting on the Lord.

There is purpose in the wait, or He would not allow it.

I am off to chaperone a field trip of 22 5th graders to see a play of Swiss Family Robinson. Now how fun is that?!

Hold Fast....

Recognize that picture? From the Master and Commander: Far Side of the World. {I love that movie}.

Well the true Master and Commander is telling me to Hold Fast.

I weakened and whined for a few minutes this am, but am holding fast. I did not pass court today....BUT my case is still open....

So I could pass in the next few days.... My file was lost at MOWA, and they are trying to find it. They can use a copy, if the judge agrees, if it cannot be found. So rather than putting our case at the back of the line with a court date in late May, we are being held open, with a couple other families....

So, it may be just a short setback....

Holding fast.

It is tomorrow...

It is tomorrow in Ethiopia right now. 1:30 in the morning. 7 or 8 hours until courts open.

I again have a night of wondering...

And a butterflies in the tummy morning as I am scared to check my email. Will Feb 26th be the day?


Bless you Mame, as you sleep....

Some good news, some bad news and who knows....

{The Roar roller coaster banks around a turn in Six Flags Marine Park in Vallejo, California.}

Some good news today, the two of the other families that failed court last time, when Mame failed, passed today! Yea! Tammie and Grace both got good news on being new momma's today.

Sad news, another dear family, failed court for the third time. ....gulp....so sad.

Others have been waiting weeks and weeks just to hear when their court date IS, once they file for a date. What use to be 10 days to hear, is closer to 10 weeks, with court dates 10 weeks or so after that.

Which pretty much means, you cannot count on or plan for anything...

SO I have no clue or feeling if we will pass court a week from today. And if we don't I have no clue if my next date will be two months from now, or four months from now.

In other words....:) I know nothing. And, I have still let it go. I think it is hard for folks not close to the adoption process, when they ask me, how is it going, when is Mame's court date, when will you bring her home...and I share a bit, third court date, or who knows, if this, then when, but if that, then another time. They look at me with this glazed, confused look in their eyes...like how can this be.

It just is.

So, God knows just when. I truly feel it is not a matter of "if", it is just a matter of "when". And God is the king of When. His timing is perfect, whether we see the reason for it or not.

So...7 days from today, I will know something....which will either be rejoicing, or waiting some more knowing nothing.

MY God is good, and no plan of His can be thwarted. I pray for His will in all, His timing and His sovereignty.

It's a page turner...

Been quiet,

waiting as the calendar pages turn....

It'll happen, when it happens.

{Feb 26th ...a week and a day away}

Concerned...

Today I am concerned about Mame's best friend Wubitu and her little brother, Henery. Their court date was today, Ethiopia is 9 hours ahead, and I have heard no news from their momma-to-be. Often I interpret silence as something is wrong, since that is the way I operate.

If it is, I know how hard it is to not pass court after waiting sooooooo long and having so much anticipation. I cried each time. The second time even more. I was SO sure, it would happen. Yet, each time the delay has worked out to be best. Our God is sovereign and wise, orchestrating things we do not even know or understand.

It is hard to wait.

Please pray for Wubitu and Henery, who have no clue of today's signifigance, and for Kim and her husband...whether good news or sad.

I cannot wait, until the day that Mame, Wubitu, Henery, K and D are ALLLL home and we get to see a joyous reunion in Disneyland! It will happen, with camera's snappin'!

What were your milestones?

Milestone: a significant point in development, a marker in a journey.

This pictures is of a Roman milestone. A wall was built around this ancient milestone in the city of Rome. "The Romans mapped property boundaries, towns, roads, and journeys, using cartography to administer their far-flung empire."

Can you think of any milestones over this past year?

For Mary Beth, it was losing her first tooth, (and the tooth fairy forgetting to put her money under the pillow, to be reminded by Nick in the morning.) Kindergarten was another milestone, her first school backpack.

For Tadpole, learning to ride a two-wheel bike without training wheels was a biggie and getting his first report card with all A's and B's, getting awarded Ranger of the year.

Nick was his first sleep-away camp, his first basketball team, finally winning the spelling bee.

Me....hmmm. not sure, but I know there were some there, the biggest was accepting my referral for Olivia Mame.

Think of this, another family, one year home with their two children adopted from Ethiopia, were told by their oldest boy that "every year since he was 5, someone had died. " Like this dear mother, I cannot imagine that. Living with that.

My son fell apart when his pet catapillar died. Seriously. Can you imagine the milestone or memory you measure with being who had died and who was living? So so sad. Such a perspective changer. Makes most of my complaints seem rathr wimpy.

One Trip...after all.

16 days until Mame's court date, trois, (does that mean three in French?) It would be awesome to pass this time, but it is odd, I just keep setting my mind up not to pass. Is that the shell coming on?

If we don't pass, it may be May or later before our next court date, as some families right now are being assigned a court date of end of April. As in everything all along, I surrender this to God. He knows the best time to bring Mame into our family.

So, there will be only one trip.

It was very hard to make this decision, but the decision is made. We will be adopting Mame, only.

I am praying for the family that will take Hanna as a referral, whoever they are, God already knows that, and I am hoping I get the chance to chat with them and see their joy in accepting her.

For us, for sooooo many reasons, Mame as one addition is best.

So we look forward to the rest of this journey and trust in God who is sovereign.

A Name....

I was thinking about Olivia....Mame.... For a year now we have called her Olivia, around here, and she does not know that name, does not know we call her that. I noticed recently, I call her Mame a lot. For a couple reasons, one I just did without realizing it, but second, I wanted the kids and my parents to become familiar with that name, in case Mame does not like the name Olivia.

When I adopted Mary Elisabeth, her name was Wu, Qing, (Ching)...but they called her "Char". So she was not familiar with her legal name at all, and was a month shy of 3 years old. Her transition to Mary Beth was fairly easy, although she loves being called "Princess Qing Qing". :)

Mame is quite a bit older, and we will have a BIG language challenge to work through. How do I even explain to her, that I would like to add-to her name, the name Olivia? Like Mary, she will come to use with nothing other than the clothes she has on, her memories and her name...

The challenge with "Mame" (currently pronounced Muh-may) is that most people will have no clue on how to pronounce it, if they just see it written, like at school etc. I am hoping she will feel good about having Olivia as her first name and Mame as her middle name.

I know many families change their names altogether, and many do not change them at all.... Some have let their children pick a new name. :)

Olivia has some signifigance with us. Prior to adopting even Mary, Tadpole had a dream he said of his little sister we would be adopting and she looked just like Olivia in his preschool class, (yes that many years ago). Fastfoward a few years, and when I was thinking of adopting from Ethiopia, I found this picture of this 16 year old sister and her little infant sister. Both orphans. Their names? Sandra and Olivia. So Olivia has just sorta stuck.

We will see what she thinks.

I wonder what she will think.

Decisions...

I am doing this Bible Study on Esther by Beth Moore. One of the weeks lessons talks about decisions, and how we sometimes avoid them.

Decisions can come with a lot of fears. If I decide this thing, I go down one path and if I go down the other, a different future. And when the decision is not a matter of right or wrong, but right or different right...,

It is so hard to decide.

Then their are times, when you have decided, and are just not ready to focus on it or admit it, that you have decided.

Faith is this foggy thing, where you do not see crystal clear, and need to step out believing anyway. Make a decision without knowing 100% (50%) which way is the way God wants us to take. I hear of folks that get crystal clear answers, divine sparkles of instruction. I do not get that. I often get these surprizing encouragements or perspective clearing reminders, but not the clear "Choose A, not B" type interventions. I wish I did. I think.

So my heart is in the right place, and I am not scared of the hard or the unusual path, so it is not avoidance. If God said, "walk this way, down this path" I would.

But He is not saying, at least not yet, at least I am not hearing. and my path is already often hard and often unusual. And my heart, at times is bigger than the state of Texas....and sad to say at other times hard and worn out. :(

So, like Esther, I am in this place, at this time, with these responsibilities and God is providential and working, even when I do not see it.

So I am simmering a decision....perhaps I will get clarity later this week, or perhaps I already have it and am not ready to share it. I think the latter is probably true.

If "A" then God will be with us, if "B" then, again, God will be with us.

But an eternity is still impacted. several eternities, by my decision...

Two Trips....

It looks like I will be making two trips to Ethiopia. Who knows how many months apart. I don't know what all this will mean as far as paperwork and cost. I am hoping there will be no changes in paperwork, and the additional cost that would entail.

The positive side, is I can focus on Mame, and she can transition into our family, start school, get situated adjust some, then we can focus on Hanna. Each getting a little more personal attention.

With the added expense of a second trip (and maybe even the cost of having to re-do some paperwork, etc), I will have to be smarter with my money, save more.

I know God has his purpose and timing...I SO want to listen and just REST in Him. SO often, in many things in life, I think, God why didn't you just do it THIS way. (ie, my way that I have all figured out.). I picture Him grinning at me, and thinking, "Child, I have it worked out, just trust me."

I want to. I do trust you, help my doubt or wavering. SO Mame's court date is 23 days away, this is the third time. SO maybe she will pass and I will be making a trip in late March!

-------------------------------

PS. More news just in. There is a high likelihood that Mame may not pass court this time either, on Feb 26th. There is a person they have to locate, who has to be present in court for her to pass. They cannot locate him. His only number is a cell phone, and it is no longer in service. They are trying to find him. I would love any prayers you would offer, that God would open the way and have Mame pass court this time. Again, I surrender, God's will and timing be done.

This too will pass...

I have discovered, again and again, that God is truly providential, in control, and very smart. His timing is the best, regardless of whether I think it is or not.

There is a song with the phrase, I think based on a verse, that says:

We have an anchor beyond the veil.

Heb 6:19 This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil...

And, although the veil is talking about the holy of holies, and the mystery there, the presence of God. ...the same holds true of the mystery of our future, of what is to come and when. The future is veiled to us, yet already fully known by God. And although veiled, we have an anchor, beyond that veil, beyond that unknown, in God. My God who loves and cares and orchestrates my present, is also in my future and orchestrating that as well.

So with an anchor beyond the veil, I hold on. This time of uncertainty and weariness will pass.....

Wearing thin...

There comes a point, where you are tired of talking about it, planning for it, waiting on it, even give up fretting ...all the stuff...just wears thin. You just want to move on with your life and start it.

Yet, I know God's timing is perfect. I am concerned that I know nothing about Hanna, do not know where she is (other than "Nezret compound", when she will move, how she is being cared for. No way to send her pictures, no one going, goes there. Is she still there is she ok?

When she sees my scrapbook of 150 pictures of Olivia and one 1 of her, will she think I did not care. :( How do you scrap 1 picture?

Ok, I know that is a silly stupid thing to fret over, but I am wearing thin of all the time, all the questions...nothing to say, nothing to update....

Some day it will happy.