I am doing this Bible Study on Esther by Beth Moore. One of the weeks lessons talks about decisions, and how we sometimes avoid them.
Decisions can come with a lot of fears. If I decide this thing, I go down one path and if I go down the other, a different future. And when the decision is not a matter of right or wrong, but right or different right...,
It is so hard to decide.
Then their are times, when you have decided, and are just not ready to focus on it or admit it, that you have decided.
Faith is this foggy thing, where you do not see crystal clear, and need to step out believing anyway. Make a decision without knowing 100% (50%) which way is the way God wants us to take. I hear of folks that get crystal clear answers, divine sparkles of instruction. I do not get that. I often get these surprizing encouragements or perspective clearing reminders, but not the clear "Choose A, not B" type interventions. I wish I did. I think.
So my heart is in the right place, and I am not scared of the hard or the unusual path, so it is not avoidance. If God said, "walk this way, down this path" I would.
But He is not saying, at least not yet, at least I am not hearing. and my path is already often hard and often unusual. And my heart, at times is bigger than the state of Texas....and sad to say at other times hard and worn out. :(
So, like Esther, I am in this place, at this time, with these responsibilities and God is providential and working, even when I do not see it.
So I am simmering a decision....perhaps I will get clarity later this week, or perhaps I already have it and am not ready to share it. I think the latter is probably true.
If "A" then God will be with us, if "B" then, again, God will be with us.
But an eternity is still impacted. several eternities, by my decision...