Mail Your Red Envelope

I interrupt the regular adoptoin blogging, to bring this important message:

Join thousands of Americans in speaking up for the babies who are murdered by abortion.

Today is the day to pick up a pack of red envelopes at Office Depot (or anywhere else for that matter), address them to President Obama, attach your return address and a stamp, and mail them tomorrow (Tuesday, March 31st).

Each red envelope will represent a child whose life was taken through abortion. As red envelopes flood his mailbox, may President Obama come to his senses and miraculously have a change of heart concerning laws that can protect babies.

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W.
Washington , D.C. 20500

Write this on the back:

This envelope represents one child who died in abortion.
It is empty because that life was unable to offer anything to the world.
Responsibility begins with conception.

A year ago....

As I stalk my email each day, longing and searching for that very special email that will say I passed court....I think back to some very important email exchanges a year ago!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 25th 2008:

Email from Grace: hey give me a call when you get a chance

Sandee Reply: I have a 30 minute meeting right now, but will call when I am done. :)

Phone call - Grace: There is this little 6 year old girl I want to tell you about.........

{grin..lots of excited talking}

Next email from Grace: Here she is! (Pictures attached)

A photo of a precious a precious little girl with a scared, tentative smile and deer-in-the-headlight almond shaped eyes, in a pink and purple stripped sweater standing in front of a corrugated tin wall. Mame....

March 27, 2008

More emails, more pictures, hunting through the yahoo groups snapfish account to see more pictures (Praise the Lord for Julia M, who took lots of photos!)

Email from Grace : Here is a new picture of Mame. She is gorgeous!!

Reply Sandee: It is funny, yesterday, even though I did not know if she was mine yet, I bought her a shirt that says gorgeous on it! LOL!

Reply Grace: Thats funny! I see nothing that would stand in the way on this one!!

March 27th 2008 I accepted my referral for my precious daughter to be...Olivia Mame ...

I don't think a day goes by that I do not think about her. I pray for her often, relook at all her pictures, try to learn more about all I will need to know, to be a better mommy to her and her brothers and sister waiting here for her. God has her and the timing of her joining our family all in His plans.

I guess today is my referral anniversary! :)

I am NOT afraid....

I am not afraid.... now...I was...

When I am afraid, I will trust in you, Abba.

You hold us and her in your hands. We are yours.

...

Got news, that there is no bad news. no new news, no good news, but no bad news.

Still open, pending, waiting.

I need Africa...and China too....

So you have probably heard that phrase. I need Africa....

I need the reality and perspective change it brings..... The wake-up call to what is true and essential. You must read this story, that a precious daughter told her momma, regarding her life in Ethiopia....before she came to America....

..."told me about how in Ethiopia she didn’t have any shoes ... She said her and Elizabeth’s feet got burned and were bleeding because the ground was hot and things got poked in them that had to be picked out (maybe glass) because they were walking, walking, walking and had no shoes. ..."

http://peculiarsmith.blogspot.com/2009/03/are-you-wealthy.html

Go read the rest of it.... well worth the perspective adjustment. {Thank you Rebecca and Ruby, for the perspective adjustment.}

A year of Hope...

I let the day slip by on the calendar, but not in my heart. On St. Patty's Day, March 17th, Mame had been in Hope's Place, the orphanage for one year!

A year older. A year without some things, but probably not things she missed, but things she has never known.

But it was also a year full of things. A year full of food, and safety, a warm bed, clothes, friends to play with, school, a roof over her head and a future...although unknown to her.

A year of a family far away from her, praying for her, working to get paperwork done, to secure a future for her. She may have not known...but God knew. A year of Hope.

And as we wait for news...each week thinking, it could be this week I hear something, maybe even tomorrow.... we walk forward into this second year, still full of hope.

"I know the plans I have for you, Mame, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans for a hope and a future." Jer 29:11

Hope...

I did it!

96 pages, over 400 photos (yes) and a year of waiting.

I have Mame's scrapbook all done!

That is, until the next families comes home with more photos!

Whew! It feels like an accomplishment.

My first photos are from Feb 2008 and my most recent from Feb 2009.

Something accomplished while I wait.

What news will this week bring?

Who knows when I may hear some news? And will it be the long awaited good news?

I plan to take the summer off with Olivia Mame. I have 5 weeks vacation saved up and can take 6 weeks of Family Leave. Although one of those 6 is not paid, and the other five are paid at 55% of your pay..... SO I have to save up as much money as I can between now and then...which is SOOOO HARD for me to do! Please pray for me, that I can do this. With Christ all things are possible, including me saving money!

I have so much family bonding time planned for me and the kids this summer and do not want the stress of money to pay the bills hanging over my head.

I wonder what I will hear this week, and when?

ps. I can't sleep. I wonder if that is a sign? I tried to go to sleep. Tossed and turned. So I turned on the light and did a days devotional in The Beloved Disciple (Beth Moore). It was good, about God having a unique plan for each of us that only lovc can motivate us to walk. Then I read Psalm 14 and 15. Light back off. Prayed for my parents, each of my kids, my brother and his family, the folks at church who are out of work and looking for a job. Still no sleep. Light back on, checked email, checked a few blogs....and here I am, still not sleeping...

sigh...

And Abba loves each and everyone...

On this journey to daughters, one at home and one I am still waiting for, and this may sound dumb, I have only recently come to realize it is not about my desire for family, for a daughter, or second daughter. It is not about me being a momma, their momma. Although both of those are there.... It is about a little girl needing the rest of her life. She had a momma, one she probably loved and will miss her whole life long. Even if she grows to not remember her, the thought of the fact that she had a birth momma will be something she could always grieve.

I am not here to replace that. No ME momma possessiveness over her heart. Sounds silly. Selfish, but with my other daughter, I struggled with that at first. God has grown in my heart and emotions.

I see now, it is about her life. About love and nuturing and being a second momma to love her her whole life long. I pray her first momma knew Jesus. I want to dance at the day in heaven I would be able to hold her hand and smile over her daughter, who become my daughter, too.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

What I know....

What I know....

As I said before, on Feb 26 our files in Ethiopia were lost at the Ministry of Women's Affairs, along with two or three other families. After not finding them, today the court judge in Ethiopia has asked "MOWA to issue an immediate recommendation on your case."

I am not quite sure what that means, but what I think it means is that they are asking them to work with copies and have MOWA make their decision on our case. That request will be taken to MOWA on Thursday.

They will then take ??? amount of time to determine their recommendation. That will then go back to the judge who will then either move forward and pass us in court, or ???

So I still have no feel for when...but I do know what is happening. It could mean that I could here something as soon as Friday, but I am thinking more like next week.

Regardless, what I do know, is that God is on His throne, already knows and I will find out when the time is right. :)

So....this long and winding road maybe ending up in a field of daisies pretty soon. He knows!

ugh

almost 7 days...

I hate the fact that I feel guilty even asking for news or communication.

Whats up, when...

I sit and assume, if there was news someone would tell me....

so what in the world good does asking do?

or whining.... complaining.....

my current memory verse is:

Do everything without complaining or arguing...... (Complaining leads to arguing, I think.)

so does that apply to doing nothing too? Do nothing without complaining too.

Ok, whine session over. In a weak moment I guiltily sent that email asking for news.....

sigh....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS. Update: I should change this title from "ugh" to "oh".

So I did get a reply from my guilty inquiry. :) No big answer but more news:

"They didn't find them, MOWA asked us to give them a day or 2 before going to the head honcho of MOWA, .... This was today, Rahel and our other staff, including Shimeliss are all taking turns camping out at the MOWA offices to put some pressure on them. Shimeliss will let me know first thing in the morning what they say tomorrow."

So a baby step forward....something is happening.

I appreciate any prayers. I know I should be patient. I know I am not traveling right after I pass, not in the four weeks...which is a whole other post. So I should just be patient.

A Glimmer of Hope

Let's widen the scope a bit. Reading the blogs of some other families adopting from Ethiopia, I came across this video from Courtney's blog: http://ericksonpartyofsix.blogspot.com/

It is just what the title claims: A glimmer of hope. http://www.aglimmerofhope.org/ It got me thinking about projects....and giving back to the countries that gave me my children. Perhaps something that my family can do to give back to China, to Ethiopia, to America. I want to pray about it and think about it...what would God have us do, to make a difference. One thing that Courtney said, that I love is:

http://www.aglimmerofhope.org/

So unnerving....looking for that email...

So every day, including last Thursday, each morning, I go look at my email to see if I have that "magical" message from Hope Adoptions that gives me ANY NEWS.

I know, in the back of my mind, I think the news could even be, you passed court today.... more like, news that this is what is happening, and here is your next date.

It is so unnerving to not only not know anything, but to not have any clue when I could know something. Will I know anything one day this week, or will it be 10 weeks from now before I know anything? That is wearisome.

I can tell my heart is withdrawing. Not from Mame, but from the anticipation and the excitement of the wait. You can only have so many cliffhangers before you are no longer on the edge of your seat, biting your nails to find out what is next. That heightened tension is wearing.

It kind of makes me sad. For both my sons, coming to my family biologically, I kind of knew within a month, when the excitement would happen. With Mary and China, I had a date and knew that is when I would go and bring her home.

With Mame, I have had three dates, each two months apart, each failed and now, I know nothing. I know this too will pass.

Waiting...

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the landof the living.

Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart....

and wait for the Lord.

-Ps 27 13-14

Commit to the Lord whatever you do...The Lord works out everything for His own ends.

-Pro 16:34

No news.

I am waiting on the Lord.

There is purpose in the wait, or He would not allow it.

I am off to chaperone a field trip of 22 5th graders to see a play of Swiss Family Robinson. Now how fun is that?!

Hold Fast....

Recognize that picture? From the Master and Commander: Far Side of the World. {I love that movie}.

Well the true Master and Commander is telling me to Hold Fast.

I weakened and whined for a few minutes this am, but am holding fast. I did not pass court today....BUT my case is still open....

So I could pass in the next few days.... My file was lost at MOWA, and they are trying to find it. They can use a copy, if the judge agrees, if it cannot be found. So rather than putting our case at the back of the line with a court date in late May, we are being held open, with a couple other families....

So, it may be just a short setback....

Holding fast.

It is tomorrow...

It is tomorrow in Ethiopia right now. 1:30 in the morning. 7 or 8 hours until courts open.

I again have a night of wondering...

And a butterflies in the tummy morning as I am scared to check my email. Will Feb 26th be the day?


Bless you Mame, as you sleep....

Some good news, some bad news and who knows....

{The Roar roller coaster banks around a turn in Six Flags Marine Park in Vallejo, California.}

Some good news today, the two of the other families that failed court last time, when Mame failed, passed today! Yea! Tammie and Grace both got good news on being new momma's today.

Sad news, another dear family, failed court for the third time. ....gulp....so sad.

Others have been waiting weeks and weeks just to hear when their court date IS, once they file for a date. What use to be 10 days to hear, is closer to 10 weeks, with court dates 10 weeks or so after that.

Which pretty much means, you cannot count on or plan for anything...

SO I have no clue or feeling if we will pass court a week from today. And if we don't I have no clue if my next date will be two months from now, or four months from now.

In other words....:) I know nothing. And, I have still let it go. I think it is hard for folks not close to the adoption process, when they ask me, how is it going, when is Mame's court date, when will you bring her home...and I share a bit, third court date, or who knows, if this, then when, but if that, then another time. They look at me with this glazed, confused look in their eyes...like how can this be.

It just is.

So, God knows just when. I truly feel it is not a matter of "if", it is just a matter of "when". And God is the king of When. His timing is perfect, whether we see the reason for it or not.

So...7 days from today, I will know something....which will either be rejoicing, or waiting some more knowing nothing.

MY God is good, and no plan of His can be thwarted. I pray for His will in all, His timing and His sovereignty.

It's a page turner...

Been quiet,

waiting as the calendar pages turn....

It'll happen, when it happens.

{Feb 26th ...a week and a day away}

Concerned...

Today I am concerned about Mame's best friend Wubitu and her little brother, Henery. Their court date was today, Ethiopia is 9 hours ahead, and I have heard no news from their momma-to-be. Often I interpret silence as something is wrong, since that is the way I operate.

If it is, I know how hard it is to not pass court after waiting sooooooo long and having so much anticipation. I cried each time. The second time even more. I was SO sure, it would happen. Yet, each time the delay has worked out to be best. Our God is sovereign and wise, orchestrating things we do not even know or understand.

It is hard to wait.

Please pray for Wubitu and Henery, who have no clue of today's signifigance, and for Kim and her husband...whether good news or sad.

I cannot wait, until the day that Mame, Wubitu, Henery, K and D are ALLLL home and we get to see a joyous reunion in Disneyland! It will happen, with camera's snappin'!

What were your milestones?

Milestone: a significant point in development, a marker in a journey.

This pictures is of a Roman milestone. A wall was built around this ancient milestone in the city of Rome. "The Romans mapped property boundaries, towns, roads, and journeys, using cartography to administer their far-flung empire."

Can you think of any milestones over this past year?

For Mary Beth, it was losing her first tooth, (and the tooth fairy forgetting to put her money under the pillow, to be reminded by Nick in the morning.) Kindergarten was another milestone, her first school backpack.

For Tadpole, learning to ride a two-wheel bike without training wheels was a biggie and getting his first report card with all A's and B's, getting awarded Ranger of the year.

Nick was his first sleep-away camp, his first basketball team, finally winning the spelling bee.

Me....hmmm. not sure, but I know there were some there, the biggest was accepting my referral for Olivia Mame.

Think of this, another family, one year home with their two children adopted from Ethiopia, were told by their oldest boy that "every year since he was 5, someone had died. " Like this dear mother, I cannot imagine that. Living with that.

My son fell apart when his pet catapillar died. Seriously. Can you imagine the milestone or memory you measure with being who had died and who was living? So so sad. Such a perspective changer. Makes most of my complaints seem rathr wimpy.

One Trip...after all.

16 days until Mame's court date, trois, (does that mean three in French?) It would be awesome to pass this time, but it is odd, I just keep setting my mind up not to pass. Is that the shell coming on?

If we don't pass, it may be May or later before our next court date, as some families right now are being assigned a court date of end of April. As in everything all along, I surrender this to God. He knows the best time to bring Mame into our family.

So, there will be only one trip.

It was very hard to make this decision, but the decision is made. We will be adopting Mame, only.

I am praying for the family that will take Hanna as a referral, whoever they are, God already knows that, and I am hoping I get the chance to chat with them and see their joy in accepting her.

For us, for sooooo many reasons, Mame as one addition is best.

So we look forward to the rest of this journey and trust in God who is sovereign.